Get Up Stand Up Stand Up For Your Right


Don’t give up the fight. Life is Your Right 

RECOGNIZE your inner strength, BELIEVE in yourself, Be Ready to SHED what is not YOU,  if you feel you are being caged ESCAPE  from the tiniest crack you find,  FIGHT for your Dignity and Worth.

Be True to self,  Be selfish Love Yourself  First, Break Away, Cut the cord that strangles you. Bend the Rules.  

Never let anyone write your story. Never hand over the pen to them.

Never feel guilty of  doing what your heart feel right. Never complain. Never explain.

There are no excuses to let yourself be treated like shit.

Never compromise yourself .

Never be bullied into silence. Don’t be a victim.

Never lose your true self  under the deluge of  masks society offers you to wear.

Society has never been kind to women who stand up and speak their mind, make your choice. Be free or be damned.

Freedom to be oneself  comes with a price , sometimes a huge one, Pay the Price or let others pay the price of  trying to cage your spirit.

Nothing is more important than your dignity.

HAVE COURAGE  to Chat Your Path. Never resign to your fate. 

Stand alone, it better  than being lost in a crowd. 

Never submit to the will of others.

Walk out of relationships that smother You. Dare to break away. Be at loggerhead with the society. It is not a cakewalk but it is worth every moment. Subjugated life is devoid of any soul.

Have the moral courage to Defy what in Unjust. Don’t be a performer.

Never let your bodies to be outraged. Never let yourself become an object.

Draw a line and stop the “little adjustment” from becoming a big compromise.  If it takes the monstrous shape it just engulfs before you know it.

Don’t wait for change to happen.  Make your move. It is never too late.

Stop living in your fears.

Think for yourself, never go in with conformity and herd mentality.

Recognize Abuse , for it is often camouflaged as love, betterment, moral duty, guilt, emotional blackmail.

Speak up. Silence only helps it breed and dig its claws deeper into your being.

It is better to raise your voice against unjust than suffer and reinforce the fact that women can be used as old newspapers.

Be financially independent.

Be fearlessly yourself

Sometimes  it takes more than just courage and will to do what is “right”. Look within and you will know your reason to do it.

 Someone said to me , ”  It is all there for you to get, the only thing is How badly you want it.”   You can’t imagine how true it is. It gave direction to my life.

Courageous Risks are life giving  – Take Risks

I DID 

“My priorities are sorted out. I have moved on” , I said.

“Moved on ?”  “True moving on is to bring the past to a closure. It is done and over “

“True that ”  I said.  “So be it.”

It was last year this date that I made the life changing decisions.

This year this day  I am  That I am  and nothing else matters.

I am grateful to my friends, fellow bloggers, readers, and each person who believed in me and stood by me, some visible some invisible.

My boys are my strength and it fills me with tremendous pride and love for these young adults for understanding  my decision despite of the physical distance it created.  Thank you for  being my children and for loving me for what I am.

We all have a spark within but to turn it into a flame  one needs a breath of life –  ♥ レo√乇

Remember 

There is nothing more gratifying than being oneself. 

Lazy Tuesday Ramblings on woman’s day and such stuff


Why are women such suckers for emotions ?

Just a random question that popped into my sleepy head just now.

Last few days have been a little freaky for me. All those health check ups, recurring dreams about strange things, a question session with self, changing patterns of a relationship, a writer’s block ( am I calling myself a writer by any chance ?) 🙂

I dragged myself to my blog on this lazy Tuesday afternoon when the merciless sun is shinning brightly in the sky outside my window, the crows are creating a racket on the fiery silk cotton tree and my younger son is snoring to glory on the bed next to me oblivious to all that’s happening around.

“Chill Maro mom” , he says when I try to involve him in sharing some of my mind storms. Sigh!!

Yesterday was International Women’s day and many of my friends were blogging about it frantically, congratulating each other and planning the day while I had a heated debate with mom about why I do not believe in women’s day or any other such day for that matter. Glad it was on phone and ended before my evening visit to her place.Glad that she too thought that celebrating “days” should be done with.

One day everyone is praising women, talking about their rights, the sorrowful state they are in, writing about equality and  then they move on and do the same about  some other “day”. Sigh!

Why I don’t like it ?

One , because I feel I do not wish to limit myself to celebrating “days” for me womanhood is to be celebrated each day. All those women who do not rejoice in it all the other days of the year are just not worth it.

Two, I do not like these gender specific celebrations and type casting which leads to comparisons.

I asked my maid if she knew anything about women’s day and she said, ‘ what’s that? Does it mean I get a holiday today?” she felt that all these things are for people  who have money to spend. Go to WD special events, sales etc.

It’s the day  for all the beauty products, household appliances, jewellery stores, fashion houses to offer discount sales for the ‘woman of today!’

I asked her how she knows about them and she said a madam told her to come early because she had a party for celebrating WD. she did not ask her much but came to know that just like V-Day it’s some sort of day for celebration and more work for her. She seemed pissed off with all these ” day” which means more utensils to clean and  no respite.

I ask , Women’s Day for whom?

For the ” women’s right activists ” to roll out speeches and take out processions and shout slogans? what difference is it making in any  woman’s life this celebration of WD? what are you celebrating anyways I question them? Have you been able to change the mindset of women as well as men?   if yes,  then we need to celebrate something.

Are we not creating discrimination and inequality by celebrating Women specific Day?

Tell me one thing , Are women downtrodden, supressed, subjugated, inferior class that they need a special day to remind the humanity of their existence?

We complain about society,men, laws, tradition, we never appreciate ourselves and change our mindset and so are losers,no one else is responsible. Unfortunately from female foeticide to dowry to many other things women are the abettors. They pass the age-old dogmas, rituals, orthodox traditions from one generation to the other and the chain never breaks.  Just a realization, self-worth  is needed.

I believe in Nari shakti, I believe in my worth as a woman as an individual, as a human being, I don’t need some day, some slogans to tell me that.

No one should. We are all unique, there is no comparison between men and women , both have their importance in the web of life and it should not be caged in some “day” which creates more divided. It does not help at all even to those who are seeking justice for “underprivileged women” across the globe.  Why is it said again and again that women are weaker sex.

Are we? NO

Beauty and brains 🙂

Does women’s Day bring any change in the mindset of millions of women who do not even know the meaning of womanhood and have little respect for being born as one?

I think I  have a big problem with the word Feminism .

Many of us women need to change the mindset. Men too are victims of abuses. They too are victims of sexist agenda. Does anyone talk about it ? Is there any place any law that gives them justice, any NGO, organisation that listens to them ?I know about one which I think is called Prevention of cruelty against Husbands. Never heard what they are actually doing. Men, they suffer in silence. Why ? Because  men are traditionally labels as tormentors. I do not deny crime against women are rising  and I too have many a times written about it but has anyone researched about crime against men . Yes it’s happening everywhere, just not in the focus.

READ THIS  .. I suffer in silence , male victims of DV

We need to focus  on what we are fighting against , Is it domestic Violence or DV against women? I am raising my voice against any type of domestic violence.

What would you say about 50000 false cases of dowry harassment every year. Around the same figure of men committing suicide every year. No support systems.

Social attitudes, that’s what it is all about. Both men and women are individually suffering on various fronts and fighting their lone battles. I don’t want this post to become ” who is more oppressed” debate post.

We talk about equality of sexes and then go one to celebrate Woman’s Day. Why is it so?

Hmmm.. well I think I got a bit  carried away. It has become a rant post instead of rambling

But I had to say it all.

I know some of my women friends may not like this and rightly so because  they are conditioned to think the other way.

Celebrate life, celebrate yourself each moment , each day. What you think you become.

This an Indivine post, vote for it Here

Ek Chadar maili si


Apni zindagi me jhanka to beete huye salon se bhari huyi kitab ke panne bikharte chale gaye. vyaktigat sangharsh ke dauran apne ko kahin door chor diya aur rookne ka vaqt hi nahi mila. Khudko samjhne ka, sarahne ka aur khilne ka.

Aaj ek kasmasahat hai. Apne se sambandh toota hua lagta haiMann ki dehleez par kayi sapne , kayi vichar khade hain. Kuch purani pehchan hai unse.
Jivan ek tarfa sa ho gaya tha, mere andar ki kalakar, likhika, nari, nartaki, jayika aur ped, paudho se pyar karne wali malin, barish ki phuhar me sahaj hansnewali aurat aur sath hi aurat hone ka ehsas ,sabhi kuch ek purane kapdo ki gathari me bandh kar mann ke kisi kone me phenk diya tha. apni nayi seemayon me main aisi bandhi ki sare shringar choot gaye aur ek sookhepan ki chadar ordh lee.

Zimmedarion ki ye chadar ab ghisne lagi hai.
Ise uthar dena chahti hun.. ek rahat ,ek aazadi ka ehsas mehsoos karna chahti hun.. ek nayi chadar odhne ka..shayd aadat si ho gayi hai chadar odhne ki..ek suraksha ka ehsas milta tha, garmahat ka bhi. Chadar hi mera astitva ban kar reh gayi thi.. meri pehchan.

Kaun hai es chadar ke neeche, kiska jism hai, kaisa hai, kis rang kahai, kaisa dikhta hai ye jism ..sab bhool gayi thi main.
aaj phir wo jism chadar tale karvaten le raha hai ..khle aakash me pankh lagakar udna chahta hai .. khwab dekhna chahta hai, unhe sakar karna chahta hai.. chadar ki garmahat se nikal kar insani garmahat ko mehsoos karna chahta hai..

us naadi ki tarah behna chahta hai .jo apna rasta khud banati hai ..virodh me tod kar nikalna chahta ..talab ban kar thaharna nahi chahta ..bandhna nahi chahta .mukt hona chahta hai.
pane ko dekhna chahta hai paas se ..apne me sabko samana chahta hai.
Jana chahta hai us sansar ki aur jo usme hai ..mujhme hai.hawa, khushboo, samudra, badal sab banana chahta hai ..ek bhasha ek parivesh nahi ..sab kuch.

is maili si ghisi chadar ko utar aaj maine pehli bar khud se mulaqat ki ..apne andar ki sundar nari se do baaat ki ..
sab bandhan , sab zanjeeren tod de. aaj apne ko sahi mayne me muqt kiya ..

Ab main khud apni pehchan hun ..

samay aa gaya hai apne se judne ka… jeene ka .. apni abhivyaqtiyon ke dwar kholne ka.. jeevan me rang bharne ka .

Samay aa gaya hai  sadiyon se bari khamoshi ko todne ka ..apne sapno apne adhikaron ko aawaz dene ka..

Marital Rape :Intimate betrayal ….The untold trauma


I had wanted to take up the issue of Marital rape for a long time now .The movie DAMAN by Kalpana Lajmi where Raveena Tondon plays the role of a marital rape victim, made me write about this heinous crime against women.

Violence against women within the family has become a major issue in our society.

Marriage is perceived as ‘socially sanctioned sex’. A legal right to a woman’s mind, body and soul.

I often see men commenting that they “allow “their wives to work, go out and engage in hobbies she likes or do certain other things and wonder who gave them the right to give permission? Do we lose our right as a human being to decide things for ourselves, the moment we get married, and become a slave to the man we choose as a partner for life and do only those things he ‘chooses” to “”allow” us to do.

Centuries of conditioning of male minds makes them believe that they have a right over women. Under the broad term of patriarchy women are treated as second class citizens at home, at work and as citizens in the society.

Domestic violence is itself a small part of the larger subjugation of women by men in society.

A woman is given to understand that her desires and dreams must henceforth be subject to those of her husband. Once married a woman feels guilty of denying her husband his conjugal rights. Under such conditions, many women find it difficult to talk about the physical violence that takes place under the guise of conjugal relations in the marriage. Any mention of rape or sex fills them with shame.

All over the world, steps have been taken to ensure that marital rape is regarded as an offence. In India, however, we do not even admit that marital rape is a reality, let alone a crime. Marital rape is an issue that has long been swept under the carpet. It is something no one wants to talk about.

Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code, says, “Sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, not being under 15 years of age is not rape.” Marital rape doesn’t even fall under domestic violence.

Quoting section 375

375. Rape.

A man is said to commit “rape” who, except in the case hereinafter excepted, has sexual intercourse with a woman under circumstances falling under any of the six following descriptions: –

First: – Against her will.

Secondly: -without her consent.

Thirdly: – With her consent, when her consent has been obtained by putting her or any person in whom she is interested in fear of death or of hurt.

Fourthly: -With her consent, when the man knows that he is not her husband, and that her consent is given because she believes that he is another man to whom she is or believes herself to be lawfully married.

Fifthly: – With her consent, when, at the time of giving such consent, by reason of unsoundness of mind or intoxication or the administration by him personally or through another of any stupefying or unwholesome substance, she is unable to understand the nature and consequences of that to which she gives consent.

Sixthly: – With or without her consent, when she is under sixteen years of age.

Explanation: – Penetration is sufficient to constitute the sexual intercourse necessary to the offense of rape.

Exception: -Sexual intercourse by a man with his wife, the wife not being under fifteen years of age, is not rape.

Our laws do not consider marital rape as a crime and only in cases of excessive physical abuse; a woman can file a case for cruelty. Domestic violence is prevalent in many forms in the society and for most of them there is a legal remedy except Marital rape.

There are so many loopholes in the law, about gender, age, caste and so on.

Rape with in marriage is not just the violation of sex; it’s related to a woman’s consent. Her autonomy and bodily integrity are at stake all the time. It’s the violation of self-determination and breach of trust. Marital rape betrays the fundamental basis of marital relationship.

It is an issue of denial of the human rights of women.

I feel that having sex with a person at one time does not “imply” consent to any future sexual acts but in our society a woman is subjected to all kind of sexual atrocities against her will. Not only are wives commonly viewed as the property of their husbands, but more specifically, they are seen as the sexual property of their husbands. Illicit sex, sex on demand, forced sex and sometimes brutal, humiliating sex is experienced by innumerable woman in a marriage.

Unfortunately not many women are aware of the fact that there is a thing called marital rape as they are discouraged to talk openly about sexual issues even within marriage.

And those who are aware do not show enough courage to stand up for their rights for various reasons, social or personal

Many of the marital rape victims end up with HIV and STD’s, unwanted pregnancies and abortions, physical mutations or wounds physical as well as psychological because they lack necessary courage to deny sex without contraception.

The impact of sexual assault lasts a lifetime and the victim suffers from Rape Trauma Syndrome. Feelings of betrayal, anger, guilt, humiliation, fear of intimacy, acute fear of being assaulted again and denial are some of the repercussions of marital rape.

In India, a societal change is needed as much as a legal one. Along with strict laws women need to be courageous enough to come out and report the crime against them, and then only the law can be enforced.

Women go through the most unimagined forms of abuse under the name of marriage. Once we accept this reality we may be able to take the first step towards protecting women.

Until then women will continue to be abused and raped by the one person they trusted most.

Also- Economic empowerment of women is a must because that will break their dependence on men at home.

There are many questions that need to be answered

Is the law a suitable and sufficient remedy for marital rape?

Will women want to have police people intervening?

Will the police give protection to a woman against her husband?

Can a woman walk into a police station and file a complaint against the man she’s married to?

Will at least the women police officers come to her help?

Is the society ready to tackle such an issue?

While a law will help as a deterrent and also in extreme cases, it is equally necessary to raise the consciousness of people, especially men, regarding the status of women.

We need to be aware of our rights; it’s not just the man’s prerogative to enjoy a physical relation. A woman too needs to be a willing participant and not just a provider; she should be able to state when the lines are crossed. Women themselves must break free of societal shackles and fight for justice.

I hope all the men who read this post will take that first step needed to give women the respect and dignity they deserve.

All the women will show courage to come out and fight for their self respect and take the first step of saying “NO”.

This is a indivine post . please vote for it here

Life From Both Sides


One woman two worlds ..who am I ?what is my identity …which is the real me …?
the heart, soul, mind are in conflict ….
I am out of the trance …back to the reality of the mortal world ..
who am I ?
the question remains unanswered
the hour of the crystal ball is over ..the child is trapped in the depths of subconscious, the girl is desperate to break free ..the woman in me wants to overcome the daughter, wife, sister. mother .the feeling of caught between two worlds is getting stronger day by day… it’s time to transcendent the usual, the accepted …
….thinking