Reflections on a Hot Summer Day

All through the day the merciless sun spat fire and the intense unbearable heat devoured everything that lay under the burning summer sky. A sky that was barren except for some patches of gloomy clouds drifting aimlessly.

I watched the dull vacant scene outside my window. Nothing stirred. Not a single leaf. A crow sat on the drooping poplar branch singing his own song ..maybe lamenting about the weather.

A few pigeons sat in the shade of the trees where an earthen pot lay empty. Thirst had brought them down to the hot ground but the water had dried up long back. A few remains of early morning’s feast lay scattered around the pot

The glare was too much to bear and the harsh rays of sun stream in through the window. I could have drawn the curtains but somehow it felt better to be part of the world outside than to face the deluge inside.

The heat helped me dry the ocean in my eyes. Why do we feel such intense pain when all the love’s labor is lost. A sharp cutting pain right across the breast reaching into the depths of heart and soul. It all seems meaningless- love, trust, care, friendship .. everything suddenly looses all meaning. My mind is numb .. My feet burn as I walk bare feet on the sands of yesteryears. Memories, like shrapnels pierce my soles. I walk away.. distancing myself from everything including me.

Where did I go wrong …???? Why things did not work as they should have .. ??? I gave my best to you. Held back nothing .You emptied me of all that I was about . Everything. I kept refilling myself of endless unconditional love and you kept digging deeper and deeper for more and more.

For endless days I waited in anticipation of even the slightest drizzle of love. A reciprocation, a gesture but …. the void grew wider and deeper. I longed for that one drop of rain .. my soul parched and cracked .. All in vain ..

Silence.. deafening silence … nothing else..

I tried desperately to reach out.. my arms outstretched .. reaching out for you to hold and pull me out of this abyss ..I cry, shout scream to no one there .. My voice echoes in the emptiness and dies an untimely death.

I close my eyes to shut myself away from the light a slight wave of ache passes through my body. I get up close the windows and draw the curtains. The play is over. The audience – the crow- makes a shrill sound and flies away.

The room is dark .. I like darkness. I close the door and block all light. Switching on the AC I take refuge in the virtual world of unseen friends, unknown faces.

Time goes by and I open my eyes with a start. my head half way on the wet pillow, laptop blinking like crazy on one side and mobile silent as the dead. It has been like this since you stopped communicating.

It is evening now. The trees are silently watching the burnt evening summer sky, the cacophony of birds, cicadas and humans fill the hot humid air, everyone and everything preparing for yet another long night.

I am waiting in anticipation always. Hope is constant so is waiting..