The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell…


The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.
~Rumi
There is such a beautiful message in this 13th century poem of  Rumi. Sometimes it needs a special person to connect the dots and awaken you to realize the true essence of what you read. I have done affirmation and healing techniques like EFT etc since some time now. Doing daily affirmations has changed me from within. I am not saying that I don not go into low mood swings or do not get emotionally upset over things but I am able to get over them and move on quicker than before.  We all know that there is an energy source within but rarely do we pay attention to it or focus on it.
Rarely we communicate with our inner child, rarely we look within and look at. We find it hard to forgive, hard to appreciate others and harder to forgive and appreciate ourselves.
This post isn’t a discourse on positive thinking or healing and transformation nor am I pushing you to go do what I am doing but simple little things sometime are life changing. Reviewing life, changing thought patterns, writing a new story, letting go of anger, hurt, pain directed towards people has helped me get out of negative weak fields and given me courage and clarity to make conscious choices which are rid of guilt. I have been able to make that shift in my priorities and consciousness and feel the improvement.
Forgiveness has helped me raise my awareness towards myself and others. It wasn’t easy, still at some point of time I slip back but the moment I do I realize and make an effort to rise again. I have not been consistent in re-balancing my energies and it showed greatly on my physical and emotional health.  But, they say, when you ask for it , you are given. Something changed dramatically the moment I got connected with this thought.  Everything began to fall into places. The process has begun. What I desire is on its way and I very strongly believe universe will guild and help me get it.
Sometimes change happens gradually , over a period of time. Nothing is a waste, we have our rooting years and then we bloom but at other times it is sudden. It is essential too to release the blocked or interrupted energy and make it flow.  I have seen how effective it is in body healing.
To some it may seem silly but I have seen that when faced with something I have no answer to , I just surrender it to the universe and the solutions come on their own. May be not at that moment but they come when it is time t act on them. The problems dissolve naturally if we don not make a fuss about them.
I also feel that if you are passionate about somethings, you are propelled towards it. That great feeling of doing what you want to and doing it right becomes the motivational force. I am not quoting any of my teachers here, it is something I have experienced since sometime. Nothing can stand in front of a passionate desire to achieve something. People cooperate, co create , door begin to open, It works if you direct your energy towards what you want so much.
Someone asked me , if that is so Why did it took you so long to take a step in that direction ? I said, I did not want it so badly I guess.
Everything has its time and it happens in that time frame, you just can not hurry the process. It is something we never learn from nature, maybe because we never look.
When I heard Dr. Wayne Dyer’s  recording of  ‘Inspiration‘ among many others I realized how my desire to connect was manifested. How I was shown the path by a friend.  How I discovered one link after the other. There is nothing more blissful than friends who connect to show you the light. Sometimes you know them, sometimes  you don’t but they appear out of no where and change the scenario, they help you set the stage , to chart your path.  One is suddenly more aware and able to grab the opportunities , to see the signals and use them.
I am  immensely grateful to all those who helped me and are still helping me in my journey of life. Do listen to the recording of Dr. Dyer’s  Inspiration- your ultimate calling by clicking at the above link.
The fact that I wrote this and you are reading it confirms the belief that somewhere the universe wants us to connect and find our calling. Each of us is just a tool. For those who think this is all a gimmick and money-raising activity by motivational teachers or metaphysical healers , all I say is Never judge . You never know who opens the window for you to reach out to the real  “You”. It is all about Believing  and rising above the ego.
Rumi’s poem came as an answer to a question I was pondering on since last few months. Why do I always wake up between 3AM to 4 AM  most of the nights , sometimes half an hour ahead or before too ? We call it “Brahma Muhurat”  , a time best suited for meditation and connecting with self and the source energy from where it all began. Usually I would say some affirmations and try to go back to sleep in vain. So, I would toss and turn and log into internet or read. It just did not strike me as a calling to step out and meditate on oneself. To recognize this body clock and body rhythm and know what it’s telling.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell, do not go to bed .. 
 
 A time for cosmic connect. Time for inspirations to flow in. Its been three days since I have started to get myself out of bed  the moment my eyes open ( it’s always around the same time between 3 to 4 am) and stand in the balcony. I haven’t ventured out of the house yet.  There is something miraculous in spreading your arms to the early morning sky , breathing deep and relaxing the mind ,. body and soul in that tranquility of pre dawn.  It is a feeling to experience for it may bring a new meaning to each of us.  I never felt so at one with myself , so calm and serene within. There is this magical hue in the sky, a deep silence and immediately one closes the eyes and is inward bound.  I really felt closest to the source energy. Many thoughts kept floating in my head and with them came many solutions. I was able to let go of many of people and things , accumulated hurts and regrets from the past. The first morning I felt tears roll down my cheeks but I was not in pain. I knew it was a cleansing process.
The breeze does have secrets to tell.. only we have to be receptive to listen to them. I think this is what a fully awakened state of mind means. Each day is a different experience. It comes on its own. I have had such moments during nights, when I get this sudden drive to write something. It is a compelling force from within. The reason I keep a pencil and notebook next to my bed. These thoughts never return.
I have made this a routine now.  What ever time I wake up between 3 to 4:30 I just let go of myself and surrender myself to the universal energies. It really is helping me to have a much calmer and peaceful time with myself and others.

In pursuit of the query “Who am I?”


The pursuit of the query “Who am I ?” destroys all other thoughts. I ask myself relentlessly this question over and over again. Who am I? What is my role in the bigger scheme of things? Where is the life leading me? Is it the right path I have chosen or let’s say have I given any direction to my life as yet or is it simply flowing without any aim , any course?

I look within and find a storm rising. A disturbance .. something is not right. I need to go inward and seek the answer.

If I am not the five senses and the body, if I am not the mind and not the doer , who am I ? I meditate on this and still find no clue, but I am reduced to nothing. everything falls apart. The “I ” , the “ego” drops dead. leaving behind a void. All illusions vanish. Everything seems fake.

I let the thoughts freeze .. silence follows. A deep rooted silence. I try to make the mind come out of the illusion of self, of the world around me. It hurts. The mind pushes me to either close or open my eyes ( I meditate with half closed eyes). It persuades me to go flow with the world we have created to satisfy our “self”. The tussle intensifies within. I am pulled away by an inner force.

I want to remove myself, even from myself. Why is it that I can not be complete within? Why do I need someone to copliment me or complete me? What does it take to break away from bonds that tie you in the shackles of expectations, hope, pain, guilt, love, desire, anger, envy, rage, jealousy, and much more?

I try to set free the things and events that hold me captive but in vain. The mind overpowers and even though there is realization , I am unable to act. Giving in to the viciousness of my mind.
Why is it that even after knowing how to discern, I give importance to things, events, people who mean so little in the journey called life.

I am lonely when I want to be alone. there is a difference. It is an obstacle in my path of self realization.

I let emotions rule, even now. Even After some years of self control I still give in. Give in to circumstances which should not affect me.

Where is all the learning going? Why I feel a sense of guilt when one part of me mocks at the other for my actions.
what pulls me ? what force? is it greater than the one I need to pursue or is it that I am not yet ready? I feel I am creating stop overs. Places from where I can return if I get scared or feel lost. The absolute faith in the divine and unknown is still lacking.

The question remains unanswered .. the desire to renounce is growing. To uncling, to let go, to set free .. to move forward by taking an inner journey ..let us see how I am able to achieve it.. till then the relentless pursuit is on.

The Muse .. Last of the series “The light , The Healer and The Muse


I had been wanting to write this post for a very long time now but whenever I began to write somehow my fingers stopped working, my mind went blank and something told me to let it be for some more time.

I guess I have lost the link to the previous two posts in the series but then it was all beyond my control. I still do not know what to write in this post .. Is it a post about love, or is it about inspiration? Is it about my inner feelings or just a gratitude for someone special. I have no idea.
It is a time for some serious introspection I guess. I had been living in a wonderful dreamland of being a tale weaver, a poetess and imagined that I have a muse to guide me and all that .. This looks like the biggest joke I ever cracked on myself..

I am a creative writer .. Ha !

I guess I just managed to use some images some poetic phrases to pour my heart out.. Therapeutic for me I guess.. like writing a diary..

Sometimes the life changes dramatically because of some events. Mine did. They say it is all inside you buried deep and when the time comes it all flows out like a gentle stream or a rebellious river.

Someone special, Let me call him my muse, walked into my life some time back and my emotions, hopes, dreams and thoughts started to rise from the depth of my heart and take shape in the form of a blog.

I rejoiced in the fact that slowly over the last two years my blog roll went up and there were lot of friends who appreciated my writings and gave encouraging responses but lately I realized that there was a dire need for critique.. Appreciation came in abundance but I felt a void.

Going through my work I realized that most of it was mushy stuff apart from some travel experiences and a few articles on social issues.

The poetry especially seems to be going nowhere. It looks like an unending saga of heartbreak and self pity .. maybe it was the inner turmoil. I can not bind myself to rules but I feel like just a chunk of wood that needs to be chiseled and carved and polished so that a beautiful carving can emerge.

I need my readers to leave the MAS ( mutual admiration society) and give some constructive suggestions.

My muse.. well .. I will let him guide me as and when .. I was growing in his shade but now I feel it’s time to spread wings and cruise along in the endless sky..

To explore the immense possibilities and rise from my ashes like a phoenix…

when the inspiration dies, the phoenix rises, the phoenix that is in me, the inspiration I can be

all the poems I have written in Hindi and English are my gift to my inspiration. It may just be prose run wild but it helps me find my roots, it gave me courage to dream, to reach out from my cocoon and face the world out there. It taught me to love.

Talking of love …. I still feel that it is something like a spiritual experience.. I know I laugh at it myself.. such good actors are we.. mask over mask and playing each role to perfection..

All the time we engage in a battle within ourselves as if the ones raging outside were not enough.

I had decided this to be a great post but somehow it never materialized to be one..

Never mind I wanted to complete the post and I have found some good kind people who may help me learn. I am an open vessel and laugh at myself.. we are no Gods and every time it is a new experience, a new learning..

My inspiration is there in me in nature in people and things around me and in the unconditional love which was born sometime back through my Muse.

Guess I can move on and enjoy myself at my own expense and for others I will write when the time is ripe and I have sometime appealing to say.