Destiny’s Child – ‘I’ Reviewed – an introspective review of one’s own life

Team This post has been published by me as a team member of Indiana Legends for the SUPER 3 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event of blog world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

“My life closed twice before its close;

It yet remains to see

If Immortality unveil

A third event to me,”

– Emily Dickenson

When I read these lines by Emily Dickenson, they strengthen my belief in tenacity of life and the miracles of the universe. When a life about to start is threatened by some unknown force, the cosmic energies intervene. So it happened on that beautiful autumn day in Kumaun (Himalayas) where I lay quietly breathing in my mother’s womb; the life ebbing away from me. Confused, scared but determined not to give up. It was a case of Placenta Previa. Death smiled at the door but they say destiny is simply the strength of your desires.

I desired strongly to live, to flourish, to explore and blossom.

Death would have to wait for me but it got impatient and struck again in the form of Encephalitis when I was four years old. I fought against all odds to be alive and make my presence felt in this world.

I am glad to have survived the battle of life.

A life was supposed to flourish. As my parents always said, maybe I was given this gift of life to fulfill a special purpose on this earth.

When I look back at these incidents from the treasure-house of my acquired memory, they seem highly valuable. Hitting a low spot so early in life has made me stronger and taught me that life is meant to be a magnificent adventure – to be lived joyfully, peacefully and in good health.

A major part of my life went in deception, in feeding the Ego with social appreciation and attention. I was always  reflection of what others (society) wanted me to be. I was becoming an efficient part in the mechanism of the society. Fitting into the pattern but moving away from self-knowledge, that self-knowledge which is the true introspection. Self pity and feelings of being victimized is how I looked at my life. I clung to my Ego.

Helen Keller once said – “When one door closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed-door, that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

How true! I realized that I was only dwelling on the negative aspects and not even moving ahead. Like quick sand, they were pulling me deeper and deeper and as I analyzed I found there was a strength within me that had the answers. I discovered the power of belief and faith. Belief in oneself and faith in the inner feeling. I am now convinced that, living life fully, celebrating life and miracles is living from an inner guidance.

I began to ‘look within’ with a different outlook. I stopped feeding the ego. I realized that the soul and not the mind was the center. That helped me blossom. I relentlessly asked myself –

Am I justifying my place on this beautiful planet? What is my purpose in life and am I fulfilling it? Where is the life leading me? Is it the right path I have chosen or let’s say have I given any direction to my life as yet or is it simply flowing without any aim?

Introspection to me is not about my life as ‘I’ in the society but as a human being who is part of the bigger scheme of things. I think I learned a lot from nature. Nature does not claim. All things in nature grow beautifully in silence. When Ego dropped, I felt the same silence. The illusions vanished. I am still in the learning process.

Learning to shed what is not needed for my growth. Learning to break away, from bonds that tie me in the shackles of expectations, hope, pain, guilt, love, desire, anger, envy, rage, jealousy and much more. Real introspection hurts. The devious mind pulls and persuades me to go flow with the world we have created to satisfy our ‘self’. The tussle intensifies within but this time I am ready not to give in.

Introspection is not just realization of what has gone by but to me, it is a learning process to what I can hold on to and surge ahead. I try to set free the things and events that hold me captive but in vain. The mind overpowers and even though there is realization, I am unable to act, giving in to the viciousness of my mind. Taming the mind is an exceptionally tough task. It is our mind, the devious little thing, not the heart, mind you, that dictates and lures us into the realms unknown .Coaxing us to take some action which many a times our heart resents.

Why is it that even after knowing how to discern, I give importance to things, events, people who mean so little in the journey called life? I realize how the Ego can lurk around ready to strike.

I am lonely when I want to be alone. I get scared, scared of being lonely.

It is mainly because we can not live with our own self. If we do not have any living person or thing to hold on to, we hold on to the memories .We need crutches, each one of us, including me.

It is an obstacle in my path of self-realization.

I let emotions rule, even now. Even after some years of self-control, I still give in to circumstances which should not affect me.
What force pulls me?
Is it greater than the one I wish to pursue or is it that I am not yet ready?

I feel I am creating stop over’s. Places from where I can return if I get scared or feel lost. The absolute faith in the divine and unknown is still lacking but I have found a direction, a path which will make me a better human being. The journey has begun. I have shed the past. We make the events negative or positive according to what we are taught. I now see each event as a learning experience and try to draw some positiveness from it to hold on and move on.

During the introspection I realized that though my body remains still, I am not calm from within and the stillness is missing from inside.

Meditation and silence helped me to look within and connect with my inner true self.

I am building faith within, trusting my inner self more often. Knowing that it guides me in the right direction, though it may not be the one taken by all .To walk alone and walk with conviction is right as far as I am concerned.

There are two things I am focusing on – one is the spirit of enquiry which is essential for spiritual, mental growth and the other is consideration towards fellow human beings without being judgmental. I have seen that being considerate helps one to understand oneself better. My problems, concerns, worries seem less important the moment I look objectively at people around me.

Questioning has made me realize my self-worth. I have managed to shed pseudo social rituals, customs, dogmas etc. I have learned to raise my voice against gender bias, discrimination and rise above all that which is imposed upon us for centuries.It has helped me mature over a time. I have learned  the secret to unfold my brilliant , resilient petals and bloom.

I feel that life is all about questioning oneself and all that surrounds us, and not just being content and resigning to what we have.

Some questions remain unanswered but the desire to (un)cling, to let go, to set free, to move forward by taking an inner journey continues…

Till then the relentless pursuit is on.

* * *

55 word fiction : Drug Abuse:Stairway to Heaven

Team This post has been published by me as a team member of Indiana Legends for the SUPER 6 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event of blog world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

Stairway to Heaven

She watched her body go up in flames and with it hopes, dreams, aspirations.

She had taken many tiny steps.

Thousands of little decisions had led incrementally to her death.

She ached to go back in time.




Lonelier than ever she drifted in twilight mist.

A Drug Free Spirit .

The image has been created by me for the Contest

Do not let your life go up in Smoke.  SAY NO TO DRUGS .

The Legend of Indiana Legends : Bloggers Premier League

Cafe GingerChai has  introduced an exotic brew called bloggers Premier League , a unique blogging event with 6 teams and 48 players all locking horns for the coveted trophy.

The challenge has begun and the Raiders are in high spirits with a strong team of eight warriors all set to conquer the league.

Let me introduce you to My team Legendary Raiders of the Last Word.

A league of extraordinary raiders that’s what we are Indiana Legends we are called,we shall fight till the last word , and win the war , cup conquered

for ones and all

“Start – Camera – Action”

The Raiders set out on  mission of retrieving the Cup by crossing the Deadly Dark Hauxiton Forest filled with all types of Dangerous Creatures. The Sun had set and the Raiders planned to halt there for the Night when Psychior suddenly paused. She saw something odd in her Psychic Mind. And she was about to utter, when emerged a Monster from nowhere. Scoobus ran in the opposite direction screaming, “I forgot to get his sword from the stable where they had spent the night before.” Bateidon, the bravest of the Eight walked forth towards the Monster with his sword held high.

Read the whole intro Here

The Legend of Indiana Legends

Now the story behind the scene

The raiders are an animated, talented lot so full of energy that sometimes  it consumes them also 😀 .

We had group chats to discuss the Introduction and it was  one hell of a discussion usme emotion tha ,drama, tha , confusion tha, talent tha par violence nahi tha  😀

sharing some of the lighter moments

cmoule: LULU!!!

me: hey can anyone see me
cmoule: yes
6:48 PM pinashpinash: yes
ramis666: ohk 🙂
pinashpinash: haaa 🙂
me: ok Pawan let us bring the topic here
pinashpinash: crazier than yesterday
rumyabhatt: whats cooking peeps???
ramis666: okay, shoot 🙂
6:49 PM me: hello we all are goin nuts
rumyabhatt: and bolts!!!
pinashpinash: nuts to win the bpl cup
ramis666: everyone done with their intros?
me: you bet
ramis666: yup 😀

rumyabhatt: whats the kaanfuzion tikuli???

6:53 PM me: arrreee Pawan plz copy the whole thing from our chat to this group chat so that we all know the draft of the script
cmoule: pawan mailed it to me
yesterdays chat
pinashpinash: there is already a draft??
ramis666: ohk 🙂
@PnA: Nopes 😛
6:54 PM rumyabhatt: waiting for something to happen…… 😐

ramis666: tikuli: evil W will never leave any clues of where he has hidden the trophy why shud he
Sent at 6:43 PM on Friday
me: why?
tikuli: evil ppl do not unless he wants to leave it for his own legacy
me: well, he dies na
tikuli: he has stolen it na then why would he want ppl to find it
me: the evil guy wants someone to find it
Sent at 6:46 PM on Friday
tikuli: why
me: bcoz he doesnt want the cup to be lost in time
he wants someone to find it after his death
tikuli: He is no saint Pawan
he is selfish man

ramis666: i have some bad[?] news

cmoule: :O
pinashpinash: oooooooo
rumyabhatt: :O
me: o
7:05 PM rumyabhatt: say it aint so!!!
cmoule: :-/

me: hey this power thing we need to think about , we got to name them poetry etc

pinashpinash: I saw her on FB
rumyabhatt: hold yer horseys
cmoule: yes
ramis666: ??
7:09 PM well guys, anyone hearing me ? 😛
me: I am
cmoule: yes
pinashpinash: yup
7:10 PM me here listening

rumyabhatt: Legend has it that the keeper of the BPL cup becomes immortal in the halls of the Gchai Cafe!!!

ashwini rs: hehe
ramis666: good one rumya 😀
pinashpinash: heeeehaaaa
rumyabhatt: good to add as an intro statement???!!
wat say??
pinashpinash: we read too many books I say!!
cmoule: we can have a kind of intro in the start
a small history
7:18 PM pinashpinash: intro for an intro???
rumyabhatt: yeah!!!!! 😉

ramis666: wait wait, u all lost the plot of the story

7:19 PM rumyabhatt: my GAWD!! we’re bursting with ideas!!! and who is the villian?
pinashpinash: P
ramis666: all that we fight for is done in the past, an archaelogist (Avada’s great great greatest grandson) searches for the relic 😛
me: crusaders , raiders , knights all diffferent
rumyabhatt: :S
pinashpinash: 🙂
rumyabhatt: Huh???
me: gosh Pawan knights do not raid castles
7:20 PM am i sooo old??
pinashpinash: they protect them is it…??
ramis666: well, wait, this all sounds confusing, but lemme write the story first 🙂
me: are we writing something similar to Indiana jones RLA
rumyabhatt: where is king arthur when you need him???!!!!
me: yes they do
cmoule: ok
ramis666: @Ashwini: we all are
pinashpinash: ok!!

pinashpinash: I’m not blank any more…!! excited happy dance :):)

rumyabhatt: Curd??!!!
7:39 PM Indiana legends
pinashpinash: nooooooo
cmoule: and our elixer can be ginger chai, so we can recharge us by drinking ginger chai
😛 so lets assume the story location is Indianapolis? 😛
ramis666: 😀
me: 🙂
rumyabhatt: Go Moulee!!!

me: I am off t omake dinner guys .. just mail me what you decide

me: kids will murders me

they are hating this
And so the animated happy chi chat continued on google doc and finally emerged  a beautiful script and an awesome poster for the mighty Raiders
They say after every  dark night there is a bright morning 😀
Three Cheers for Team Raiders