Déjà vu – Dream Diary


I often revisit a dream or sometimes there is a continuation. It may happen immediately in next few days or even after months, years. The place or people may seem familiar from a past dream, giving a feeling of dream  Déjà vu. Let me tell that it is the people or places that I revisit but the dream is not reoccurring. None of the places are familiar in real life.

Here is the first dream that I had sometime last year. I did not log it so some part are forgotten but most of it is still very vivid.

I am in an old building, probably a ruinous house, with some people who seem to part of an organisation or group I am part of. The bare brick walls are plastered with half torn or full posters. I could see something written but could not decipher the language Red and black  are the  prominent colours. The two rooms on top floor where we are have minimal furniture Basically a wooden table laden with papers, books, pens, water bottles, a few glasses and some other miscellaneous things. A few simple wooden chairs an a bed roll in a corner. There is a small stool in a corner with a few bags. The place is dusty and neglected.

The single window in the room, where we are gathered, is small and the dirty glass panes are cracked. The place is very dimly lit and we seem to be very well adjusted to work in such conditions

The faces are tense. They aren’t familiar people from real life but in dream they seem like old friends Apart from the five – six of us the building is empty. It is away from the habitation and there isn’t much vegetation around. To me it seems like an  outskirts of an abandoned desert village.

There is a part of of dream which I have forgotten. Some conversations and other details. They are there as images but very obscure now.

There is firing going on outside so this place is a hideout. We are probably thinking of a strategy to escape.  It is unclear now.

Next image is of the staircase full of wounded or dead people. The firing is intense and I can see men in military combat uniforms. There are civilians too with rifles etc. From the broken areas of walls I can see fires all around.

I am dressed in regular black jeans and a black long sleeve shirt. No other details about others.

I ask a young man to accompany me down the stairs. He seems familiar, maybe my son but not in the dream. Both of us are carrying some sort of a bamboo pole stick with a metal head

I give a thumbs up to the others and we maneuver down the staircase with people crying out in agony.  Dead faces, half open eyes with life ebbing out of them stare at us as we go down the bloody steps littered with severed limbs and dead bodies. A child is crying but there is no sound. Her eyes possessed with an unknown fear. She is lying in the lap of a woman thrown at the base of the stairs. Her head split open.

I pick up the child, cover her in a cloth mask till neck and run out from the hole in the back of the wall. There are men pursuing us but no one shoots

We run through the dark but somehow the path is clearly visible. There is light that we can see but others can’t. And then out of the blue we are attacked. These look like men but they aren’t. They appear and vanish at will. So do we. The young man gives me a signal and I drop the child in a push cart standing by a tree. The cart vanishes. We are surrounded by trees that look like men. They close in on us. There are other people too (humans)  but they are unconcerned of the happenings around them as if they are in some other reality. We use the poles to protect ourselves but the tree mob and the men who had pursued us close in from all sides On a cue the young man with me spins the pole over his head and in that frantic spinning whirl of light I watch him dissolve There is no movement except for the shimmering dust that slowly drizzles to the ground where he had stood. The attackers turn to me. In one quick motion I slip out of my clothes and take position pointing the pole in their direction. It isn’t a wand but it roots them to the ground. I step back one step at a time.

Their eyes fixed on me

The darkness increase and I dissolve into it.

At this point my eyes opened and for a few minutes I could feel the sand, the dust, the blood , the darkness which was unlike anything. I tried to get up but could not. I must have lay there in that half awakened state for some time. I can’t tell how long but when I finally woke up my body ached and the soles of my feet were dirty. I could feel the sweat and sand on my body which actually wasn’t there.

I never had any similar dream again till day before yesterday. The building seemed very similar to the one in precious dream but not the location. The area was lit with yellow lights. I was walking along the back lane in some old part of the city though the lane was not narrow or winding. All the buildings looked the same as the one in the previous dream. Made of bare red brick  A high wall separated them from the back lane. The wall was whitewashed I was again with my elder son and we were walking along in a hurry Hundreds of people were sleeping on the road Where ever one looked one could see people covered with quilts lying on the road  and the pavement adjoining the wall. I don’t recollect what was on the other side. We walked carefully in the midst of dirty white quilts. The impact of the dream was so real that I could actually feel the warm breath of those sleeping men ) yes, they were all men), the concrete of the  lane, the softness of the white quilt covers on which sometimes I stepped. Only a few half concealed faces were visible. I could sense the rise and fall of the sleeping bodies. It was night and maybe winter but I do not recollect the feeling of cold. All sensory impressions that I felt were of others. We hardly talk till we reach the end of the lane where there is a quiet group of few men.They stand surrounding a wooden stretcher, or bench something flat and elevated on which a man is lying down. My son is a few steps ahead of me As I reach the place I look at the man lying down. He seems familiar. No one I know from physical  life right now.  The man was wearing a plain white cotton shirt  and black trousers. No shoes. He had nicely trimmed beard and mustache. Must be in his mid forties. On his left upper cheek was a gaping wound. Most probably cleaned up as there was no sign of any blood. A man, whom I take for a doctor, was applying some native medicine on the wound. He seemed as if someone had dragged him out from his sleep. No one spoke.  “WTF is he doing?”, I whisper to Adi who urges me to walk on but I can’t. I stare at the injured man. His eyes hold me captive. We look into each others eyes as if our stares are locked. I feel he is trying to convey a message. Adi gets restless and nudges me to move but the eyes of the man do not let go of the hold. There was a surge of emotions I felt in that moment from empathy to rage to warmth to sadness and also love. Adi pulls at my arm and practically drags me from the spot. The eyes plead me to stay but I allow myself to be pulled. As I move away the images begin to blur and we continue to walk , now in the dark.

Though it was just a crossing of a lane and this eye contact with this man, the dream was immensely intense. I still remember those eyes, every fold of the quilts I saw, the air i was breathing, the atmosphere. Strangely there is no focus on the other men , the doctor (let us call him that), even what Adi was wearing etc.

Two things that gave me the feeling of Deja vu were the buildings and the injured man.  It is strange when you feel the warmth of human bodies. I have always felt them in a positive way. No coldness in their presence. Even when they aren’t friendly.

In both the dreams the buildings reminded me of some place I had been before. Like in many past dreams, the area had a desert like feel. Though it was not so evident in this particular one.

Both the time there was a feeling of premonition about someone in need of help. Someone reaching out. There was someone in the previous dream too whom I do not recollect now. Strangely there were no other females in both the dreams. Except that little infant girl.

This time the dream left me with a feeling  of incompleteness and helplessness. A sort of parting that should not have been. A slight feeling of remorse too but I can not say the reason.

This was the first time  I did not want the dream to continue. I wanted to run away from it. Shirking the responsibility I guess. Something alien to me.

What does it symbolize I do not know but those eyes I am not able to forget. Though I do not see them, the thought keeps coming back. Should I have stayed?

“Beneath our waking mind there is another mind that broods and plots the coordinates of symbolic escape toward other experiences.Dreams are those rare things that last a few seconds while also never ending inside our heads. A  space opens to become a volume of the inexplicable and within that space, something not exactly real weaves around itself a palpable web of the truer-real.” A friend wrote few years ago. I miss his presence but I know he is safe and healthy doing what is best for him.

 

 

 

 

A Dream Comes Haunting Again


Normally I do not sleep post lunch but for some days nights have been stuffy and restless. Unable to sleep I toss and turn in the bed, dozing on and off into slumber and wake up with a start.

Something has been tugging me at heart since long and I am trying to find solutions. Since yesterday morning I had a vague feeling, a mixed emotion of fear and longing but I kept it to myself wondering if it was just another play of the devious mind or something deeper than that, a heartache.

Today was a quiet day and tired from the pre lunch activities and lack of sleep my body began to demand rest. Unusual, because this rarely happens and as my eyes began to feel heavy I excused myself to the bedroom.

Someone noticed that I was quieter than before and asked if I was missing my boys. I think I did reply but it’s not very clear now.

Sleep took over the moment I hit the pillow. An insatiable thirst woke me from a dream. An old dream recurred after a very long time and got overlapped with a new one.  The havelies have become an integral part of my dreams and surely have some significance and some relation with my past life.

I often wonder why I see and remember the details of even the minutest part of dream.  The colors, the clothes, the streets, everything is absolutely clear.

These are the dreams that stay with me.

Its evening when I enter the fort or haveli , the door is heavily carved and the corridor is  mostly dark except for the light filtering in from the jharokhas above and the mashals  ( torches) which threw dancing shadows on the cold stone walls.

I am searching for someone but don’t see him anywhere.

A heavily dressed woman is sitting on a carved bench of stone made along the left side of the corridor. There are two young women with her who get up and move aside the moment they see me. I kneel and pay my respect to her but she is anxious to find me there. A sort of resentment is visible on her face.  I hear whispers from the young attendants. She gives a cold stare and gestures me to follow her. WE move ten paces and go up an iron staircase. I follow her without question and on top of the stairs there is another beautifully carved heavy door .She opens it for me and I walk in without question. The door is shut behind me and then I realize that it is a cell. I notice how dark and cold everything is. I have been here before. I have spent an entire lifetime here, secluded from the world.

This dream was constant many years back and came as a flash and got overlapped with a new one. Even in my subconscious mind I recognized it . Something took control and transported me to another time.

I am in the fort/ haveli garden and there is some zamindar (landlord) or stately prince, someone powerful and authoritative. He orders his men to tie my hands and take me away.

The men have covered faces and only eyes are visible. One of them holds me firmly and almost drags me inside the same corridor but from the door on the other side. It’s much more lighted. His grip is strong and hurts. (I felt the pain on my right arm even after waking up) .

The other two subordinates are told to stay behind. I recognize the touch .It is familiar but I can’t place it.  We pass two small water bodies where two women are being given some ceremonial bath. Large mature women, nude and sort of sedated are being bathed by men in a pool of water laced with white flowers. Terrified of my fate I cringe and struggle to escape but am firmly and closely held by my escort. I can feel his breathing and body heat. That too is familiar. I have experienced it before.

Something tells me he won’t harm as I am hurriedly led from the scene.  We reach the same staircase and the shadows increase. He reveals himself and before I can express myself holds me close and rushes upstairs. In the process my anklets fall.

It is surprising how I can see the gold broad old-fashioned anklets shimmering in the light of the torches.

I struggle to get away and pick them before anyone comes. They will reveal my identity. I see a young maid and tell her to pass them to me but she is too aghast and petrified to pick them.  He keeps insisting on moving away. His arms wrapped strongly around me. I long for the anklets for some reason.  My life depends on not being recognized.

We hear the sounds from a distance. Fear grips me.

I opened my eyes slowly and scanned the room unable to place where I am. The dream left me listless and sad.

Last few days have been crazy enough to run me down but the beautiful moon in the sky today lifted my heart. Sometimes a voice, few words, a feeling of warmth floods the heart and makes up for all that is lost.

The dream needs to be interpreted along with the earlier ones. I am putting it in Dream Diary category.  Hope the beautiful night brings solace and calms my yearning .

apparitions, past life and dream symbols


I have read a lot about magic spells, dream symbols, past life analysis and psychic connections, apparitions and spirits. This is an area which has fascinated me since childhood and when I am not writing I try to read something on any of these topics.

During last one month I have seen apparitions of a loved one who is not alive anymore. He was close to me and I woke in the early hours of morning with a feeling of some presence near my feet. Slowly as I opened my eyes I saw a white apparition and the first name which came to my mind was his. I could feel warmth near my feet and we looked at each other for a few seconds. I closed my eyes and slowly silently prayed for him and requested him to go back to his world but somehow something remained connected between us. Although I felt his presence once more I regularly saw him in my dreams for a long period. Each time he was trying to say something, as if extracting a promise or wanting to stay on. The dreams were nothing related to our past but the places were the same, only incidents were more complex and related to our lives ..especially his.
We were mostly seeking solutions.

I came to realize the strange thing about this later when a very close friend told me that on the same night he saw woke up almost at the same time because he felt a presence in his room and found me standing near his feet, looking at him. He actually felt my presence and was amazed at the sight.

Somehow I found this all very interesting. We had not talked with each other about it, there is no way any of us could have known about the apparition and dreams and yet we experienced a somewhat similar situation.

It made me look up for sites that offer dream analysis and I found some very interesting material there about seeing a dead relative.


Dead, Dead People, Dead Father, Dead Mother, Dead Relative, Dead Relatives

* To dream of the dead, is usually a dream of warning. If you see and talk with your father, some unlucky transaction is about to be made by you. Be careful how you enter into contracts, enemies are around you. Men and women are warned to look to their reputations after this dream.
* To see your mother, warns you to control your inclination to cultivate morbidness and ill will towards your fellow creatures. A brother, or other relatives or friends, denotes that you may be called on for charity or aid within a short time.
* To dream of seeing the dead, living and happy, signifies you are letting wrong influences into your life, which will bring material loss if not corrected by the assumption of your own will force.
* To dream that you are conversing with a dead relative, and that relative endeavors to extract a promise from you, warns you of coming distress, unless you follow the advice given you. Disastrous consequences could often be averted if minds could grasp the inner workings and sight of the higher or spiritual self. The voice of relatives is only that higher self taking form to approach more distinctly the mind that lives near the material plane. There is so little congeniality between common or material natures that persons should depend upon their own subjectivity for true contentment and pleasure.
* [52] Paracelsus says on this subject: “It may happen that the soul of persons who have died perhaps fifty years ago may appear to us in a dream, and if it speaks to us we should pay special attention to what it says, for such a vision is not an illusion or delusion, and it is possible that a man is as much able to use his reason during the sleep of his body as when the latter is awake; and if in such a case such a soul appears to him and he asks questions, he will then hear that which is true. Through these solicitous souls we may obtain a great deal of knowledge to good or to evil things if we ask them to reveal them to us. Many persons have had such prayers granted to them. Some people that were sick have been informed during their sleep what remedies they should use, and after using the remedies, they became cured, and such things have happened not only to Christians, but also to Jews, Persians, and heathens, to good and to bad persons.”

* The writer does not hold that such knowledge is obtained from external or excarnate spirits, but rather through the personal Spirit Glimpses that is in man.–AUTHOR.

Source: 10 000 Dream Interpretations, by Gustavus Hindman Miller

Well I dont know how true this is but it sure is interesting.

Here is another way to look at it

Guided by the Dead

Some of the most powerful dreams we have are dreams about loved ones who have died. Men and women have changed their life paths, and sometimes their non-belief in an afterlife, based on dreams in which they felt they received direct messages from the departed.

Source: Patricia Garfield, Ph.D., President of ASD

Both interpretations are from a site http://www.experiencefestival.com/dream_interpretation_dead

I am still thinking about the apparitions I see sometimes, which even my elder son sees in different ways. Sometimes some figure in the drawing-room or some footsteps at others just a feeling of some one standing behind me or a presence in the room. There is no specific time and I don’t get scared but it sure pulls me to know more about it.

I often recall my dreams and at many times I saw a large snake mainly King cobra. The vision was so clear that during waking hours also I would put my feet down from the bed or put my hand to take something out from a dark cabinet and stop, sensing the presence of the snake coiled comfortably with his majestic hood in full display or just relaxed in some corner.

For some years now I have stopped having these dreams but the presence is felt even now at times.

My elder son found during a chat discussion with some analyst that if someone in the family say mother or grandmother saw snakes in dreams it normally passes on. I remembered ma telling me that my maternal grandma used to see snakes if some child was going to be born in the family and saw one before my birth. That I guess explained my dreams.

I have already posted in dream diary about my past life dreams. These are recent dreams and very vivid. Do read those posts to more about them.

It is a very complex and intriguing world of unexplored areas of human mind.

I try to enhance my psychic powers which I do believe I have. Some what dormant but still there. there have been instances where I have been able to see or feel something , connect with someone on some level. I am still finding answers to all this. Don’t know if I should look for answers, gain knowledge and work on it or just let it flow as it is.

Working with spells and spirits is not I what I want to do now but my ever enthusiastic boys are not giving up. let us see what they find in their new found quest.

The past life analysis is another thing I always wanted to do. The soul leaves one body and finds another and thus the journey continues. I believe in past live and reincarnation theory. I feel that our past karmas play a great role in our present life. I searched for material on this and found a site which tells about your past live.

thebigview.com

I read what people had to say about the reading and went on to check in some other sites too. My feeling is that this reading was very close to what I have gathered about my past live from various sources.

here is what it said

Your past life diagnosis:

I don’t know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Yukon around the year 1875. Your profession was that of a map maker, astrologer, astronomer.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:

Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated. Sometimes your environment considered you strange.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:

It always seemed to you that your perceptions of the world are somewhat different. Your lesson is to trust your intuition as your best guide in your present life.

Do you remember now?

I am looking for a session on past life analysis and would love to know more on it.