Last Night


 

Last night was longer and made for torture or reflection or for savoring of loneliness. Like an ancient tomb where the souls come out gasping for life and searching for potential bodies which they can occupy. The soul with as opposed to them struggles to escape.

I lay taking in the  stuffy darkness of the room.  Everything began to rapidly merge into blackness. Unfamiliar shapes, menacing, uncanny, or merely grotesque began to emerge.

Some prisons don’t have bars, or guards. Such was last night, thicker than any wall, blind, empty and  immensely engulfing . Like a huge gaping hole which slowly sucks you in and  now and then you brush against appalling things that roam and prowl in its chambers. You see nothing. Hear nothing. The murderously asphyxiating silence is all one has for company 

Was I scared? No. It was a trance like state where you feel nothing or feel so deeply that the pain makes you numb.

An owl screeched and I could imagine it gliding past my window. Stillness returned.

On the opposite wall a pattern began to emerge. The fluorescent hands of the clock like some invisible claws blurred into nothingness and a face of time emerged. The glowing numbers burned holes in my mind. Nothing stirred.

Spellbound by the deep penetrating eyes I lay transfixed on my bed.  Thirst like the scrape of hot sand-paper began to bruise my throat. I tried to get up but something held me tightly to the bed. My eyes returned to the face on the wall.

All the uncertainties, all the questions came rushing to me. Here was Time who had all the answers.

“Only the time will tell ” I was told.

I looked beseechingly , pleading for the answers. None came.

Maybe it wasn’t time for them to be revealed.

So, why was it here, staring at me like a death mask ?

What did it want?

Why it glaring eyes seemed to look accusingly at me, making me shift uncomfortably?

Time doesn’t tell anything. It doesn’t heal. Don’t believe it all you have been told. Time simply crushes you, chains you, makes you its slave and whiplashes you to obey its commands. The answers, the healing comes from either within or from elsewhere. Time just watches the drama and laughs at our misery . Time is the devil to whom we have sold our souls. It is the master , we  mere slaves. Only an inner uprising can bring the change. Only that can create true love, true courage, true self.

Tonight the battle was at its peak but something was amiss or maybe someone and it made all the difference.

I shifted my pillow to the other side but I could still feel its gaze  penetrating   through my skull.  It’s measured ticking reverberating.

With some effort I pulled myself out of bed and removed and shoved the menacing clock under a pile of clothes. The muffled sound of its breathing still audible.

I gulped a chilled glass of water and decided to lie facing the window. The hot summer night-sky claimed me.

The butter-gold moon came encroaching through my window. Suddenly filling it with a calm glow. Spent by my inner state of being I watched as it lingered in deep sky. Watching me with its forlorn eyes.

A jarring buzz vibrated in the small of my back  scaring the wits out of me. The cell phone had quietly slid itself and nestled in the comfort zone away from the events of the night. The led light brought me back to the real world. Reluctantly I opened my laptop to work. Sometimes one is just pulled from all sides like an elastic band and then released. The sting of pain shot through my head as my fingers tapped mindlessly at the keyboard.

The cellphone meanwhile breathed its last. Sleepless and restless I went to put it for charging, took the chair out in the balcony and slumped on it. The moon had disappeared behind the high-rise buildings. The air was still and did not provide any solace. Back in the room I brought the clock out . The hands had miraculously appeared, the face had melted into the fiber of the machine. 3 AM it said.

I could hear an early bird call somewhere.

Sometime loneliness and absence digs its claws deeper than usual and leaves one wounded. Such was last night. The ache hasn’t subsided nor has the yearning.

You and Me- Let me cafuné * you tonight


Let us do something different with our nights. Let us take off to someplace unknown. Far from the madding crowd.

Let me cofuné you. Your head on my breast. Eyes closed.

Let us spread the buttergold moon over each other’s bodies. Let it melt on the tips of our hungry tongues.

Let us open our arms wide like fishing nets and catch some stars. If not , then just lie down still,  your body against mine,  under the open sky and watch the night sky.

Let us just throw every last care away. Let’s be happily hopelessly  messy.

Let’s eat with bare hands, no spoons, knives, forks.  Let fingers, tongue and mouth replace ’em.

Let us lose track of time Time. Disconnect.  Do away gadgets. Switch off.

Let’s indulge.  Draw a bath,  light candles, slip into the warm water. Smoldering pools of liquid heat.

Let us sleep like commas. Sweat, moisture, supple, soft folds of skin concealing the hearts of desire.

Let us curl up and make each other laugh, play checkers or just listen to the sound of our heart, warm, live, improvident, indecent hearts .

Let us throw ourselves over the edge.

Let us forget who we are, forget from where we are, forget the world, forget everything , nullify everything but that we are together in that moment.

Let us take the empty road, absorb each other and the sounds of night.

We will have other crazy things to do when the day breaks..

Love is worth it.

Let us love and mean it.

Cafuné: From Brazilian Portuguese, meaning to tenderly run one’s fingers through someone’s hair.

Read all YOU AND ME  posts here

Driblets : Lost and Found Poems


and there she stands wearing midnight

my relentless pursuer

waiting to strike again

Death

you underestimate me

*

Looking for something ?

I believe this is your knife ..

you left it in my back .

A word of advice – Be careful with knives they have minds of their own

****

Venus flytrap

hungry hugs

kiss of death

Oh, Please ! your old tricks have lost their sting

try something new

Something more exciting

more challenging

you still underestimate me

*****

The night spilled some of the dark element before plunging into the dawn 

and then came the rain 

riding on the wings of  storm 

 tapping on window panes sighing

 and its  shrill mournful voice 

singing a  requiem  for  the love lost 

sinking its talons in heart 

drawing blood

warm crimson splendor

pulsating with memories

  acerbic brew

death raises a toast 

as the wet bruised sun watches 

from behind the clouds at dusk

**

Enchanted …NaBloPoMo


The bronze sun melts into the blue waters of the ocean making it blush a very romantic shade of crimson and within a few hours the silvery moon spreads it’s magical light making the water shine like a huge rippled sheet of molten silver..

I am in awe of the creator and often wonder from where she gets all those splendors of colors.

In silence I watch the cotton clouds drift in the clear blue sky ,taking shapes of my dreams. I smile as I lie down on soft green carpet of dewy grass and watch the dance of clouds high above.

An eagle sails through.It’s wings spread. A sight to behold .Freedom in it’s ultimate form . I watch it glide over the mountains, the valley and the ocean,playing hide and seek among the clouds .

I decide to walk till the edge.

The sun in all it’s glory gets ready to merge with the beautiful earth.

The sweet heady cocktail smell of pine trees and wet earth fills the air around me as the cool breeze begins to blow gently.

The waves kiss the beach and withdraw as if shy of the touch .

It is an enchanting view from where I stand.The edge of a cliff jutting out of the mighty mountain.

The vast expanse of the blue green ocean suddenly becomes a glorious show of light and colors.My eyes catch silhouettes of sail boats on the calm waters rhythmically moving with the sway of the water.

I listen quietly to the rusting of the leaves of tall majestic trees as they sway in a soulful dance with the passing wind.

The birds return to their nests for the night.For some time the bird calls and fluttering of wings fill the silent evening, the tree tops come alive with hundreds of birds descending on them to find a suitable place.Then it all becomes quite again as if everything is under some kind of a spell.

I glance around the magical landscape around me, the majestic mountains,the pine trees standing in a line like guards of honor,the ocean and the Grey beach below, thousands of wild daisies spread like a carpet of yellow and white.The lights in the valley like glow worms.

Mesmerized by the mystic ambiance of the place and the breathtaking beauty, I slowly walk toward my cottage. The winding path along the flowerbeds is covered with dry pine leaves. I tread softly not wanting to break the serenity of the place. The light inside is welcoming. I enter the warmth of the room glowing with the bright flames in the fire place.

The moon, partially hidden by the night clouds peeps through my window. I watch in silence. our souls unite and I become one with the cosmic energies around me. Feeling calm and beautiful within, I cuddle up in front of the fire place and thank the unknown creator for the beautiful earth and the sky above and closing my eyes marvel at the mysterious ways in which she spins her magic yarn.