I had been wanting to write this post for a very long time now but whenever I began to write somehow my fingers stopped working, my mind went blank and something told me to let it be for some more time.
I guess I have lost the link to the previous two posts in the series but then it was all beyond my control. I still do not know what to write in this post .. Is it a post about love, or is it about inspiration? Is it about my inner feelings or just a gratitude for someone special. I have no idea.
It is a time for some serious introspection I guess. I had been living in a wonderful dreamland of being a tale weaver, a poetess and imagined that I have a muse to guide me and all that .. This looks like the biggest joke I ever cracked on myself..
I am a creative writer .. Ha !
I guess I just managed to use some images some poetic phrases to pour my heart out.. Therapeutic for me I guess.. like writing a diary..
Sometimes the life changes dramatically because of some events. Mine did. They say it is all inside you buried deep and when the time comes it all flows out like a gentle stream or a rebellious river.
Someone special, Let me call him my muse, walked into my life some time back and my emotions, hopes, dreams and thoughts started to rise from the depth of my heart and take shape in the form of a blog.
I rejoiced in the fact that slowly over the last two years my blog roll went up and there were lot of friends who appreciated my writings and gave encouraging responses but lately I realized that there was a dire need for critique.. Appreciation came in abundance but I felt a void.
Going through my work I realized that most of it was mushy stuff apart from some travel experiences and a few articles on social issues.
The poetry especially seems to be going nowhere. It looks like an unending saga of heartbreak and self pity .. maybe it was the inner turmoil. I can not bind myself to rules but I feel like just a chunk of wood that needs to be chiseled and carved and polished so that a beautiful carving can emerge.
I need my readers to leave the MAS ( mutual admiration society) and give some constructive suggestions.
My muse.. well .. I will let him guide me as and when .. I was growing in his shade but now I feel it’s time to spread wings and cruise along in the endless sky..
To explore the immense possibilities and rise from my ashes like a phoenix…
when the inspiration dies, the phoenix rises, the phoenix that is in me, the inspiration I can be
all the poems I have written in Hindi and English are my gift to my inspiration. It may just be prose run wild but it helps me find my roots, it gave me courage to dream, to reach out from my cocoon and face the world out there. It taught me to love.
Talking of love …. I still feel that it is something like a spiritual experience.. I know I laugh at it myself.. such good actors are we.. mask over mask and playing each role to perfection..
All the time we engage in a battle within ourselves as if the ones raging outside were not enough.
I had decided this to be a great post but somehow it never materialized to be one..
Never mind I wanted to complete the post and I have found some good kind people who may help me learn. I am an open vessel and laugh at myself.. we are no Gods and every time it is a new experience, a new learning..
My inspiration is there in me in nature in people and things around me and in the unconditional love which was born sometime back through my Muse.
Guess I can move on and enjoy myself at my own expense and for others I will write when the time is ripe and I have sometime appealing to say.