Recapturing the joy : A Mother’s Day Post

Mom and Me

I am not exactly a ” One day celebration” person, for me each living moment is filled with love and gratitude for those who are precious to me but then I realized that under the pressures of daily life, our own baggage of worries, emotions, work we tend to forget to appreciate those who love us unconditionally. Mother’s Day became special to me since then.

I have written a lot about my mother who is now 79, a graceful woman, full of life, courage and inner strength, surrounded by her teenage grandchildren. [ Links ]

Amma gave me my identity, roots and the wings to fly. I outgrew her lap but never her love.

I wondered How SHE felt being a mother and that triggered off this special post on Mother’s Day.

” Amma, How did you feel being a mother?” , I asked.

She was amused. She had never actually thought about it and could not bring herself to put a life time of emotions, challenges and rewards into just a few words. A first person account required looking within honestly and it sure was a difficult task as none of us wanted a mushy post.

In few lines she let me in into the depths of her heart. It is the best gift a mother can give to her daughter.
Mom said,

It is interesting and a little disturbing to look back to one’s youth and the first flush of motherhood. On hindsight, a number of feelings and actions, responses and reactions seem sentimental, immature, thoughtless – or at least not well thought out – and also, to one’s surprise and embarrassment, neurotic!

That first wonderful, lump-in-the-throat, knot-in-the-stomach sensation when looking at and touching the smooth glowing cheek or the thin long delicate fingers is incomparable. Those hesitant first steps, the lisping or jumbled use of words brought out immeasurable joy and pride in the baby’s achievements.

At each little mastery of an action or each small bruise or hurt, the child would run into one’s arms or cry out ‘Mamma’. One laughed and wept along with it and was totally engrossed and involved in the child’s mischief, pranks and all the pains of growing up.

As a mother one cared and shared, and thought that this baby, now a toddler, then a pert little girl, is also learning to share and care. But the girl had an agenda of her own. Suddenly one saw that the role of a mother as imagined or perhaps, vaguely understood could be questioned.

Please! Can I not live my own life? Do I have to answer for each little thing I do? I am disgusted with this refrain “it is for your own good”. I know what it means and I can take care of myself – thank you!

There is much heartbreaking pain and avoidable conflict. An uneasy kind of friendship develops as the teens are about to end, and one hopes that some understanding and maturity comes along to make life a little less rough – not for the daughter or son alone but also for the mother too!

It is when watching the grandchildren that at last one realizes many things. Seeing one’s grown up child as a mother react and deal with her own children fetches one short. Was this the way I behaved, one thinks, seeing an instant thoughtless reaction of the mother to one’s grandchild. Sometimes one approves, and at other times one feels sad for one’s past reaction and the present reaction of the daughter to her children.

Yet, I think with joy at what I helped create, and with understanding at what this individual has become today. Let us not go into what all shaped her and made her what she is. She is and one has been and will remain essentially a mother – friend and sharer of her joys, sorrows, her ideas and queries. One is learning once again to look anew at her life and motherhood.

Me and Adi, my first born

I realized the profound role of a mother only when I became one. Still, sometime I wonder why some mothers fail to untie the apron strings especially with the boys and set them free? Why they cling to them, smothering their growth? what chemical changes take place to turn a mother into a much disliked mother – in – law ? Is a mother’s love conditional at times ? I leave you with Some food for thought.


This post is part of the Blogadda Mother’s Day Contest

Thank you PringOO website for this warm gesture , I would love to gift this beautiful chocolate and teddy customized mug to my beloved ma .

I Am What I Am Mamma Thanks To You(Indus Ladies mother’s day blog contest entry)


The telephone rang in the morning.

“Can you come over this weekend to help me pack?”

“Help you pack? Are you going somewhere?”

“Yes, I am off to Greece.”

I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Then my initial disbelief turned into a smile. That’s my mom, full of tremendous courage, sense of adventure and a never-ending passion for life.

It was an inspiration and a joy to watch her child like enthusiasm. She had always dreamed of traveling around the globe.

Not at all concerned about her frail health, her age factor, or traveling alone or any such issue she went on to live her dream and came back beaming with excitement and fond memories of the two countries she visited Turkey and Greece.

We were happy for her and thought that now that her desire to travel has been fulfilled we can relax. But within a year she was packing for her sojourn in china. I asked her if she had any more surprises up her sleeves. She laughed and said, “Life is short and there is so much to see and enjoy”.

Recently the whole family had gathered to celebrate her birthday. The laughter, sighs and animated voices filled the house as my mother narrated stories from her life and recent travels. Working in the kitchen I smiled as I imagined the 78year old graceful woman, full of life and joy surrounded by her teenage grandchildren.

I wondered why it took me so much time to really understand and know my mother and the answer was simple enough, maybe I never looked at her beyond the image of a parent. I felt a wave of regret pass over me thinking how much I had missed in life

I went and kept my head in her lap trying once again to be the child whose life completely revolved around her mother.

I had always admired the inner strength and courage and her belief in herself that she had all through the life but it was amazing to see her so full of life even with declining health and old age.

Eldest amongst her five siblings, Ma was born in an average middle class family of educationists. She spent her early years in Theosophical Society Banaras. Her parents supported her in pursuing higher education. She had a very sound cultural background and always mentioned that she was fortunate to have been born and brought up in that time and place.

She had to share the responsibilities of taking care of an ailing mother, younger siblings and had to work from an early age. She taught in residential schools at many places away from her family for a long period of time. Marriage and children added to her responsibilities as she singlehandedly managed home and work.

Nine years after her first child she could finally afford to have another baby. I was born under difficult circumstances. A complicated case of Placenta Previa put our life in danger with nil chances of survival especially for me. As they say destiny is nothing but the strength of your desires we both lived and there in my mother’s arms we reassured our bond that would last a life time.

Ma wrapped up all her dreams and desires and although she had many opportunities she made us her fist preference.

At the age of 60 she retired from govt. service and was just picking up the loose ends of her life when my father fell ill. For the next 10 years it was a test of her mettle and took a toll on her health but even in those adverse circumstances she never gave up.

My father passed away and suddenly there was a vacuum in her life. Tired and broken from the struggles of life she intended to live quietly in some old age home but we insisted that she start her life afresh.

Slowly the spark which had got weighed down by work and responsibility became a flame again and her passion for life returned.

Once again we saw the glow and child like curiosity and sense of adventure in her. Even now people find it difficult to believe the kind of enthusiasm and zest she has for life.

After 17 years of marriage and becoming a mother myself I realized I had lost myself somewhere and felt empty from within. Ma constantly encouraged me to find my place in the bigger scheme of things and do justice to my existence on earth. Her attitude toward life inspired me to become what I am today.

I learned to fight my own battles, to speak for myself, assert my individuality and un-warp my dreams and realize them. Protecting and nurturing me, she gave me courage and unconditional love and support to rise above the challenges, just the way she herself did.

Now at the age of forty one, with my boys grown up, I too have decided to follow my passion to write, to explore the possibilities that lie ahead of me. I am now truly proud to be my mother’s daughter in every sense of the word.

She helped me become a better human being, a much more confident woman and a responsible person.

It is such a joy to watch her take on life with so much zest. At her age she is one of the most daring mothers I have come across. Always ready to try and do something new. She even enrolled herself in a Spanish language course lest her wanderlust should take her to the land of Flamenco dancers.

I closed my eyes as her soft fingers caressed my hair. Slowly a tear tricked and slid down my cheeks. I wrapped my arms around her and snuggled closer.

I could still hear the continuous rambling of the four friends around me and now it was her joyous laughter and children’ chirpy stories that filled the evening air.

“Did you have a blogger mom and a net savvy super cyber grandma, Nani?” My little one asked her.

“I have.”

I heard the pride and affection in his voice.

Oh yea, Net savvy all the way I smiled to myself. She signed up on Facebook and Orkut to communicate with people of different places and learned the tricks of cyber world in no time.

It is with a very warm feeling of pride and love that I write about her today. A mother every girl would want to have, a grandmother whom the grandchildren treat like a friend and above all a woman of substance that even the Creator would feel proud of.

The treasure of life and the small things that I learned from her about living life have enriched me and made me what I am today.

I wish her good health and many a glorious years ahead.

IL Mother’s Day Competition