Strength


“Isn’t strength the ability to renounce every lie in your heart?”

“Wouldn’t you agree that having the courage and bravery to be honest with yourself is another form of strength?”

~Tamaki Suoh  (Ouran HighSchool Host Club)

Tamaki is an anime character from   shoujo manga series Ouran High School Host Club created by  Bisco Hatori.

I found Tamaki during a Google Image Search for some anime characters I wanted to download and play with on Adobe Photoshop CS5.

I completely believe in what he says here. I have followed it and taught it to my boys too. If you are not honest to yourself , you can never be honest to others. Most of us lie to ourselves more than we lie to others. It is deeply ingrained and comes easy. We live a life of deception and denial. All our life we pretend to be someone else, avoiding dealing with issues related to self. It locks us in a cycle of self sabotage, blocking our ability to move forward. It takes strength and courage to look within, to face oneself, to break the cycle.

Deep within us there is a desire to do the right thing, be a good person but of course we don’t live up to it. We lose our bearings and feel rotten but we won’t let go of deceit, defending it just to prove ourselves right. Bearing the burden of the duplicities, false pride, and self-importance that all of us have in various measures most of us are unable to renounce the lies within.

I try never to do anything which would make me feel uncomfortable when I look into my own eyes. I expect the same from those who are close to me. That is something I teach my children too.

Take a mirror test to begin with. It is very uncomfortable and here comes the need for strength. Look into your eyes. Reflect upon your thoughts, how you deal with others, what do you say. Notice if you want to shift your gaze or avert your eyes. You will know when you aren’t right, that it is a lie you are living. Now comes the time to convert that strength into courage. Courage to accept and rectify. To be honest to oneself and others. I do it and I think that if your inner justifies your action then it is right no matter what society says.

Accepting oneself leads to self-confidence  and greater mental strength which is required to  take control over one’s life. To have a warrior mindset one needs to master thoughts, feelings and emotions. One needs to recognize them honestly and deal with them as they should be rightfully. Only when the mind is free of burdens of managing various lies it can help build strength of character.

We can only discover our true self-worth by being honest to ourselves.

Confession is another way to be honest with oneself. I feel that however difficult it may seem, confessing  always improves a relationship and a person as a whole. Doing a wrong and then covering it up with layers of denial and lies makes everything collapse. Ultimately the truth finds its way out and that pain is greater than the pain of the first wrong done. Most of the time it is too late to mend the bond when the trust is lost and one may have to live with the guilt for the rest of the life. It is always easier to lie than to confess. Confession of truth hurts but the realization that the person is lying hurts more. The pain is much deeper even if the lie was told to save the hurt.

I prefer not to indulge in anything my conscience won’t allow.

This is my feeling. I feel relationships survive on the strength of honesty and to be honest to each other one needs to be honest to self.

If you are convinced about something , if you feel no guilt, no weakness or fear, if you can justify honestly your action to yourself  Then  you are strong. That is the true strength.

So, can you handle that moment of truth? It may most probably will not be to your liking.  Do you have strength to break down, to feel pain, sadness, rejection?  To feel human ?  Do you have the courage to face the defeat and the strength to take it as a challenge to conquer it?

It takes more strength to be true to yourself than to put up a wall.  Do you have that strength?

Self-protection armor, most of the time unconsciously erected at a young age, causes most of our adult suffering. Let go of self-armoring. Let down those walls.

Being vulnerable is not a weakness, it  takes more strength and courage than overcoming most of the obstacles that you will ever encounter in a life time.

Changing old patterns takes an effort and that effort needs immense strength to carry forward but that is the road to self-empowerment and it is certainly worth it.

Give it shot.

Renounce every lie in the heart.  Be aware. Be strong

This post is written for GBE2  WEEK #58 (6-24-12 to 6-30-12): Strength

Get Up Stand Up Stand Up For Your Right


Don’t give up the fight. Life is Your Right 

RECOGNIZE your inner strength, BELIEVE in yourself, Be Ready to SHED what is not YOU,  if you feel you are being caged ESCAPE  from the tiniest crack you find,  FIGHT for your Dignity and Worth.

Be True to self,  Be selfish Love Yourself  First, Break Away, Cut the cord that strangles you. Bend the Rules.  

Never let anyone write your story. Never hand over the pen to them.

Never feel guilty of  doing what your heart feel right. Never complain. Never explain.

There are no excuses to let yourself be treated like shit.

Never compromise yourself .

Never be bullied into silence. Don’t be a victim.

Never lose your true self  under the deluge of  masks society offers you to wear.

Society has never been kind to women who stand up and speak their mind, make your choice. Be free or be damned.

Freedom to be oneself  comes with a price , sometimes a huge one, Pay the Price or let others pay the price of  trying to cage your spirit.

Nothing is more important than your dignity.

HAVE COURAGE  to Chat Your Path. Never resign to your fate. 

Stand alone, it better  than being lost in a crowd. 

Never submit to the will of others.

Walk out of relationships that smother You. Dare to break away. Be at loggerhead with the society. It is not a cakewalk but it is worth every moment. Subjugated life is devoid of any soul.

Have the moral courage to Defy what in Unjust. Don’t be a performer.

Never let your bodies to be outraged. Never let yourself become an object.

Draw a line and stop the “little adjustment” from becoming a big compromise.  If it takes the monstrous shape it just engulfs before you know it.

Don’t wait for change to happen.  Make your move. It is never too late.

Stop living in your fears.

Think for yourself, never go in with conformity and herd mentality.

Recognize Abuse , for it is often camouflaged as love, betterment, moral duty, guilt, emotional blackmail.

Speak up. Silence only helps it breed and dig its claws deeper into your being.

It is better to raise your voice against unjust than suffer and reinforce the fact that women can be used as old newspapers.

Be financially independent.

Be fearlessly yourself

Sometimes  it takes more than just courage and will to do what is “right”. Look within and you will know your reason to do it.

 Someone said to me , ”  It is all there for you to get, the only thing is How badly you want it.”   You can’t imagine how true it is. It gave direction to my life.

Courageous Risks are life giving  – Take Risks

I DID 

“My priorities are sorted out. I have moved on” , I said.

“Moved on ?”  “True moving on is to bring the past to a closure. It is done and over “

“True that ”  I said.  “So be it.”

It was last year this date that I made the life changing decisions.

This year this day  I am  That I am  and nothing else matters.

I am grateful to my friends, fellow bloggers, readers, and each person who believed in me and stood by me, some visible some invisible.

My boys are my strength and it fills me with tremendous pride and love for these young adults for understanding  my decision despite of the physical distance it created.  Thank you for  being my children and for loving me for what I am.

We all have a spark within but to turn it into a flame  one needs a breath of life –  ♥ レo√乇

Remember 

There is nothing more gratifying than being oneself. 

2011- Courageous risks are life giving ( A New Ending Post )


You have given me wings with which to fly
Now I breathe in deep and spread them wide
as we lift off from the silken petals
into the wind where the butterflies glide

This is not a year-end post or may be it is.  A requiem for the past  and a song of  courage for the future.

I wanted to wrap up this year and all those before them and bury them for good. 2011 has been a year of extreme highs and lows in more than one ways. We lost some of the most loved, immensely talented artists/musicians and many other luminaries from diverse fields. Let us say adieu to those who left us in 2011. Bhimsen Joshi , Jagjit Singh, Dev Anand, Shammi Kapoor, Satyadev Dubey , Bhupen Hazarika, Anant Pai, M.F.Hussain, M.K.Pataudi,  Hargobind Khurana, Jehangir Sabavala, Mario Miranda, Steve Jobs, Elizabeth Tylor, Amy Winehouse, Ustad Sultan Khan, Navin Nishcol, Gautam Rajadhyaksh, Indira Goswami and football player Socrates and Gary Speed.. the list seems endless.

Year 2011 also took away the fierce tigress Shehla Masood, Nighamanand and RTI activist Nadeem Sayeed. Any voice that rises against the rotten corrupt system, the age-old orthodox so-called values and norms  is silenced. Sometimes one pays with one’s life and at others one has to take courageous risks to stand for one’s dignity, pride and right to live as a human being , as a woman.

When a woman decides to break the shackles that chain her to submit to the will of others, when she walks out on a relationship that smothered her for years , when she decides to be fearlessly herself , to not be a “trophy wife” , when she shows the inner strength and moral courage to defy submitting to what society defines as ” excepted rules and code of conduct for women” then she is born again and trust me this is a difficult birth. This metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly is a slow painful process. A process which for some means shedding layers and layers of borrowed hurts and burdens. This journey from darkness to dawn requires an inner courage  which is unmatched and unbreakable especially when one is economically dependent. It is difficult to take that first step and say ENOUGH. Difficult to leave behind young children and  a large part of one’s life but when relationships stagnate  they rot and it is better to cut the rotting part before it infects and kills. It is difficult to stand for your dignity and face the filth flung at you by the society for whom a woman is merely a “puppet that can be fit into various roles with strings pulling her from all sides deciding when she should do what “.

A forgotten species not allowed to dream and live the life she imagines. Always subjected to ridicule, contempt and told to shut up, she is supposed to adjust , compromise, suffer, make peace, forgive the offenses and injustices inflicted at them and go through difficult marriages with ” patience and tolerance. She is “not allowed” to follow her dreams, aspirations and put them all on a back burner to make sure ”  a peaceful happy married life” and if she rebels against the established conventions and charts a path for herself then the situation is even worse.

But,

Courageous risks are life-giving. 

2011 changed  direction of my life. Sometimes it just takes a tiny spark to light a flame within.  I have already written about what made me step out and start afresh.  It took me many years to find my lost confidence, my voice that was stilled. Change is uncomfortable, new beginnings scary for someone like me whose world was confined.

I have so many friends to thank for this transformation, for instilling this strength in me , for believing in my potential and for making me love and believe in myself as a woman, as a human being irrespective of the roles assigned by the society. Each word, each gesture made me stronger than ever. Friends who showed me the mirror, who spoke their minds to make me see the reality as it is, who helped me get out of the closet and express through my writings, each one of them played a significant role in making me who I am today and my heart is filled with gratitude for them. The reason I write about me is again to be a spark in someone’s life , to light a flame of change in some woman’s life.

I realized that after that initial fear is conquered there is no turning back. At  the end of  2010  the embryonic plant encased in the seed coat was beginning  to prepare itself to break the sidewalk and  blossom into a flowering plant.  I have come a long way from the time I wrote ‘  The time has come to be fearlessly myself  ‘.

I took some bold steps just as Tara did.  For, If it hurts it is not love  .

It wasn’t easy for me to leave but I knew that nothing could be worse than what I was going through. Separation from my boys cut me deep. They put up a very brave front in standing by my decision. It was I am sure their energy that made me spread my wings and take a flight into the vast open sky through the tiniest crack in the walls that were closing in every moment. I know I could not have done without their never-failing love and support. They taught me some very fine lessons in life. The period of nine months since I stepped out were filled with extreme emotional upheavals but the fact that I did what was right for me  as a human being , as a woman , kept me going. It is not that the guilt of  leaving behind the children did not gnaw at my heart  but sometimes to survive and live one must take the most painful of  steps.

Now at the threshold of a new year , I find myself  heading towards a new ending, a much-needed closure that will be the new beginning for me. The road is rough and full of uncertainty but I know that the wind beneath my wings is strong and I won’t fall.  It is with this unsurpassed trust and confidence that I greet the new year. There is still a lot to be done and having taken this first step all I see is the summit. I know that to climb steep hills requires slow pace in the beginning and I am taking one step and a time.

There is no turning back.

I have the gift of life again and I want to cherish and nurture it with respect and love. There were times I cribbed about life being unfair and people being unjust to me but now when I look back I thank the universe for all those hardships and all those people who made sure I suffered for it is due to them I am stronger and sharper.

Life never gives you anything you can not handle , it is just that some flowers take time to blossom. Nothing goes waste. Those years gone by were my rooting years. Now with strong roots and stronger heart I am ready to take on anything that life offers.

I thank all my readers, my friends, everyone who helped me open my resilient petals. To all of you I owe my new self. Thank you for enriching my life.

Wish you all a very happy New Year. 

The two important things I did learn were that you are as powerful and strong as you allow yourself to be, and that the most difficult part of any endeavor is taking the first step, making the first decision.

 

This post is dedicated  with love and gratitude to a very special person. 

Butterfly picture courtesy Google Images