A Gift of Discernment – For A Better World


I believe that Parenthood teaches selflessness, to love and respect your kids unconditionally. Parents teach the children to be independent and rejoice in their blossoming. Both my sons are adults now and when I look back I think all I ever taught them was to shed everything that hindered their growth as human beings and accept themselves as and who they are. This covered almost everything that needed to be said.  As a mother I believed that what I could teach by example I could not by words.

My parents taught me the value of discernment and take independent decisions and that is exactly what I instilled in my boys. To be discerning without being judgmental. It was an uphill task in the kind of environment they were growing up in. To keep their minds from being polluted by  age-old rituals, customs and doctrines was an everyday struggle but I stood my grounds and made sure the boys learned to use their minds and not follow what the adults in the family or in the social milieu shoved down their throat. Since early years both the boys were encouraged to travel, explore, learn from the way people lived. To have a hunger for experiencing life at different levels. Independently. It was a challenge they had to undertake to refine themselves, to shun the comfort zone. To survive in all sorts of conditions. Build immunity, sensitivity, compassion towards life in all its forms. To value life and engage with it with an open mind and a student heart. I believed that exposure would enhance the personality and it did. Most of the times the ordinary things, the experimentation, the willingness to ask question does extraordinary things to children’s psyche. It teaches them important skills and to look beyond what is right in front of them.

I knew the importance of a dialogue, conversations, questioning, airing the differences fearlessly and with a trust that they will not be judged or reprehended. Freedom to converse without inhibition or fear helped them form their own opinions and choose what was right. That they could speak up their mind was largely due to the trust we shared.  It is a friendship that we share even now.  Once you rise above the relationship and treat the children simply as fellow human beings the approach to life changes. They become confident, curiosity helps them to expands their horizons inwardly as well as outwardly and a foundation for critical thinking is laid.

My boys had a privilege to experience two very different perspectives on ‘how to live a life’. A liberal, freethinking one from their maternal side and an orthodox, ritualistic one from the other. I think it helped them form their own set of values for life. They also learned from my limitations and sufferings. It made them a champion for women’s rights. Another major aspect was to make them aware of themselves so that they accept themselves as and who they were. I remember one of my sons asking me how I would react if he told me one day that he was gay or bisexual. I said it was his life and his sexual orientation or the way he is biologically. There was nothing to ‘react’. It is what it is. He asked if I would accept it. I replied that the question of acceptance doesn’t arise because it is ultimately His Life not mine. The fact that I would be by his side if needed was enough to make him comfortable with his choices I guess. I belive and taught them that unless you love yourself as who you are you can not love others nor others can love you. Loving oneself is an important lesson in life. To value the life we are given and live it well. Brief as it is.

The knowledge that I neither considered or treated the boys as my extension nor tied them to my apron strings helped them and me to lead a normal guilt free life in which we had mutual respect for each other, learned from each other and grew up together. Children are keen observers and often make decisions based on their understanding of life. To help them in this process all that is needed is a slight nudge. They have an agenda of her own. Suddenly one saw that the role of a mother as imagined or perhaps, vaguely understood could be questioned. Please! Can I not live my own life? Do I have to answer for each little thing I do? I am disgusted with this refrain “it is for your own good”. I know what it means and I can take care of myself – thank you! There is much heartbreaking pain and avoidable conflict. An uneasy kind of friendship develops as the teens are about to end, and one hopes that some understanding and maturity comes along to make life a little less rough – not for the daughter or son alone but also for the mother too. It is phase that strengthens the bonds without turning them into a noose. All one has to do is understand where they are coming from and help them deal with it if required. Unnecessary involvement in their daily struggles irks them at times.

I feel children who do not carry the burden of ‘teaching’ turn out to be better adults. I have seen around me the all engulfing apron strings, the controller moms who invade the very fabric of their son’s life till the core and leave it tattered. Mothers who just do not know where to draw the line. The worse thing a mother can do is to smother the child with ‘love” stunting their personalities. I cut the umbilical cord for my sanity and for the betterment of my children. They were loved and cared for but never became the primary focus of my passion and preoccupation. For the children to grown up without any mental, emotional, sexual dysfunction it is essential not to suffocate them. Being a free-spirited person myself it wasn’t difficult to instill it in my boys.

Growing up with them has been a wonder filled experience. Still is. I know I am the most unconventional mom but I love just the way it is. Now, I am looking at my life afresh, from their perspective, sharing a more mature friendship which began from the  time I conceived them. A beautiful detached attachment. Motherhood has made me a better person and to sum it all in one sentence I would say, “Let your children be. You can’t teach a sapling how to grow; you can only give it all it needs, sit back and watch.” In doing so you are not just making them good citizens but most importantly better human beings; and in the end, that is all that matters. This post is written for the #MomsforaBetterWorld Project

Update 

Participation Prize Winner 

The Legend of Indiana Legends : Bloggers Premier League


Cafe GingerChai has  introduced an exotic brew called bloggers Premier League , a unique blogging event with 6 teams and 48 players all locking horns for the coveted trophy.

The challenge has begun and the Raiders are in high spirits with a strong team of eight warriors all set to conquer the league.

Let me introduce you to My team Legendary Raiders of the Last Word.

A league of extraordinary raiders that’s what we are Indiana Legends we are called,we shall fight till the last word , and win the war , cup conquered

for ones and all

“Start – Camera – Action”

The Raiders set out on  mission of retrieving the Cup by crossing the Deadly Dark Hauxiton Forest filled with all types of Dangerous Creatures. The Sun had set and the Raiders planned to halt there for the Night when Psychior suddenly paused. She saw something odd in her Psychic Mind. And she was about to utter, when emerged a Monster from nowhere. Scoobus ran in the opposite direction screaming, “I forgot to get his sword from the stable where they had spent the night before.” Bateidon, the bravest of the Eight walked forth towards the Monster with his sword held high.

Read the whole intro Here

The Legend of Indiana Legends

Now the story behind the scene

The raiders are an animated, talented lot so full of energy that sometimes  it consumes them also 😀 .

We had group chats to discuss the Introduction and it was  one hell of a discussion usme emotion tha ,drama, tha , confusion tha, talent tha par violence nahi tha  😀

sharing some of the lighter moments

cmoule: LULU!!!

me: hey can anyone see me
cmoule: yes
6:48 PM pinashpinash: yes
ramis666: ohk 🙂
pinashpinash: haaa 🙂
me: ok Pawan let us bring the topic here
pinashpinash: crazier than yesterday
🙂
rumyabhatt: whats cooking peeps???
ramis666: okay, shoot 🙂
6:49 PM me: hello we all are goin nuts
rumyabhatt: and bolts!!!
pinashpinash: nuts to win the bpl cup
ramis666: everyone done with their intros?
me: you bet
ramis666: yup 😀


rumyabhatt: whats the kaanfuzion tikuli???

6:53 PM me: arrreee Pawan plz copy the whole thing from our chat to this group chat so that we all know the draft of the script
cmoule: pawan mailed it to me
yesterdays chat
pinashpinash: there is already a draft??
ramis666: ohk 🙂
@PnA: Nopes 😛
6:54 PM rumyabhatt: waiting for something to happen…… 😐

ramis666: tikuli: evil W will never leave any clues of where he has hidden the trophy why shud he
Sent at 6:43 PM on Friday
me: why?
tikuli: evil ppl do not unless he wants to leave it for his own legacy
me: well, he dies na
tikuli: he has stolen it na then why would he want ppl to find it
me: the evil guy wants someone to find it
Sent at 6:46 PM on Friday
tikuli: why
me: bcoz he doesnt want the cup to be lost in time
he wants someone to find it after his death
tikuli: He is no saint Pawan
he is selfish man

ramis666: i have some bad[?] news

cmoule: :O
:-O
pinashpinash: oooooooo
rumyabhatt: :O
me: o
7:05 PM rumyabhatt: say it aint so!!!
cmoule: :-/

me: hey this power thing we need to think about , we got to name them poetry etc

pinashpinash: I saw her on FB
rumyabhatt: hold yer horseys
cmoule: yes
ramis666: ??
7:09 PM well guys, anyone hearing me ? 😛
me: I am
shoot
cmoule: yes
pinashpinash: yup
7:10 PM me here listening

rumyabhatt: Legend has it that the keeper of the BPL cup becomes immortal in the halls of the Gchai Cafe!!!

😀
Hozzat???
ashwini rs: hehe
ramis666: good one rumya 😀
pinashpinash: heeeehaaaa
rumyabhatt: good to add as an intro statement???!!
wat say??
pinashpinash: we read too many books I say!!
cmoule: we can have a kind of intro in the start
a small history
7:18 PM pinashpinash: intro for an intro???
rumyabhatt: yeah!!!!! 😉

ramis666: wait wait, u all lost the plot of the story

7:19 PM rumyabhatt: my GAWD!! we’re bursting with ideas!!!
aswini.rs: and who is the villian?
pinashpinash: P
ramis666: all that we fight for is done in the past, an archaelogist (Avada’s great great greatest grandson) searches for the relic 😛
me: crusaders , raiders , knights all diffferent
rumyabhatt: :S
pinashpinash: 🙂
rumyabhatt: Huh???
me: gosh Pawan knights do not raid castles
7:20 PM aswini.rs: am i sooo old??
pinashpinash: they protect them is it…??
ramis666: well, wait, this all sounds confusing, but lemme write the story first 🙂
me: are we writing something similar to Indiana jones RLA
rumyabhatt: where is king arthur when you need him???!!!!
me: yes they do
cmoule: ok
ramis666: @Ashwini: we all are
pinashpinash: ok!!
stopppppppppppppppp

pinashpinash: I’m not blank any more…!! excited happy dance :):)

rumyabhatt: Curd??!!!
7:39 PM ashwini.rs: Indiana legends
pinashpinash: nooooooo
cmoule: and our elixer can be ginger chai, so we can recharge us by drinking ginger chai
😛
ashwini.rs: so lets assume the story location is Indianapolis? 😛
ramis666: 😀
me: 🙂
rumyabhatt: Go Moulee!!!
EEEEEEEEE!!!

me: I am off t omake dinner guys .. just mail me what you decide

me: kids will murders me

they are hating this
lol
And so the animated happy chi chat continued on google doc and finally emerged  a beautiful script and an awesome poster for the mighty Raiders
They say after every  dark night there is a bright morning 😀
Three Cheers for Team Raiders

Cherry on Top and the Yellow Polka Dotted Cup : It is raining Awards.


Easter Sunday and two Awards from Two women I admire. What can one ask for I ask 🙂

It had been a while since I got any token of love like this from a fellow blogger. A simple thought that warmed my heart.

Now for the Rules
1. Thank the person that gave this to you
2. Copy the award and put it on your blog.
3. List 3 things you love about yourself
4. Post a picture you love (e.g a person you adore etc.)
5. Tag 5 people you wish to pass this award on to

Thank you RITU for this sweet gesture.


You just added that little extra to my love, admiration and warmth for you. Hugs

Three things I love about myself.

I absolutely adore myself irrespective of what others think of me.  sexy,smart and beautiful within _ that’s me.

I love that I Can GIVE,  be it compassion, love, courage, support, a shoulder to cry on, because there are more taker in the world than those who have enough to share . I am glad that I am the chosen one.

The thing I love most about myself is that my inner child still connects with me and we remain eternally romantic, playful dreamers.

mere do anmol ratan ( my handsome sons)

Five friends I want to tag

Gyanban

IHM

Monika

Poonam

Zephyr

The second award is actually a prize from IHM, she had a contest on her blog called   Guess and win

😀  lol it was so much fun to be a part of it. I loved the other award also but this polka dotted cup stole my heart.

First look at the picture, just a little zoom and the treasure was spotted.Something was there in the naked branches of the tree ..but hwat ? That’s what we had to Guess. It was a laughter session on the comment section. Am glad I have eagle eyes 😀 . Total dhamal.. great stress buster for me at least. 😀

Thank you IHM for this beautiful handmade prize. muaaah. love ya

I WON !!!!! YAY!!!! A Thank You Hug to All


The feeling is yet to sink in. 😀 .. After weeks of networking I finally made it to the top three and won the third place in the Mother’s Day blog Contest organized by IndusLadies.

Here is my entry which got me the prize

I Am What I Am Mamma Thanks To You(Indus Ladies mother’s day blog contest entry)

This entry got the maximum number of blog comments and was picked up by BlogAdda as

Spicy Saturday pick

I thank BlogAdda for the recognition it gave me as a blogger.

It was an out n out networking competition and many prolific writers participated in it. Some entries did not reach the top ten or top three due to lack of proper networking but they do deserve a special mention here .

Pal of Crocodile Tales

Ugich Konitari Guppa
are the two which really were awesome posts and deserved to win .

I would like to Thank IndusLadies, Ritu ( my friend, mentor and organizer of the contest), all those wonderful friends who voted for me, my kids and their friends who did major chunk of networking for me, Indiblogger and other communities,My firends ,communities on social networking sites like like Facebook, Orkut which supported me all through and most of all My Mother without whose love and unconditional support this would not have been possible.

A perfect mother’s Day gift for me 🙂

So here is a PKJ to everyone (pyar ki jhappi)

Thank you and Cheers!!!!!!!!!

Time now to celebrate 😀