Well the title is not my invention ..It came drifting to me from Roberto’s dream weaving. I don’t think he will sue me for copyright violations. 🙂
This will be a series of three posts The Light, The Healer and The Muse. Each is connected to the other and is an important part of my life.
As a little girl my mom put a scare in me when she announced that she could read faces. It was a revelation which I chewed for days and day and still could not digest. Every step I took every move I made was wrapped in silent painful fear that mom will know it all by just a look at my dirty mug. It really freaked me out.
Later as I grew up and sort of mastered the art of camouflaging my deeds or misdeeds or rather learned to logically argue about why I did what I did, she confided that it was a gift she was not very happy and comfortable about and seldom used it. It troubled her gentle soul and she made very firm efforts to push back the psychic storms inside her.
Meanwhile a new storm was conceived inside a tiny brainless head and it swirled and swirled filling up the empty spaces it found( and there were many).
I never really tried to look deep into what was causing those hazy premonitions and why my intuitions were always correct ..well almost always. I guess I did not try to comprehend the meaning of spiritual awakening.
Few years back I got interested in psychic,stuff,reincarnation,meditation, alternate and energy healing, dark creatures ( why they are called dark forces etc beats me) again and read a lot about it. During that period I also read Osho which brought tremendous change in my thinking. I STILL READ ALMOST ALL THE MYSTIC POETS, teachings of Osho, Buddha and many others. Being an atheist has made me open to all aspects of spirituality and I guess that’s a good sign. Learn about everything and find your own path is my thinking.
I am not a follower but I realized that Buddha’s teachings drew me to some levels of concisenesses that I never knew existed. said about inner light and connecting with the universe around.
I began to bring about the change and in that my Godfather played a great role. He became my light and taught me lessons of life that totally cleansed me on mental, spiritual and physical levels. I was introduced to him by a mutual friend and soon I began to discover things and learn some basic facts of life that I had ignored or pushed aside purposely.
He taught me the thumb rules of staying focused. Many I did imbibe but for many others my inner still rebels.
It takes a higher consciousness and totally letting go to master that state of bliss. To be able to understand it and be on that path in itself is a right choice. If we can not justify our existence on this earth if have no right to live and to do that we got to rise above our emotions of all sorts. A hard thing to do but not impossible. Maybe someday I will be able to do that.
I knew I had a gift and a light to follow so when I saw visions or felt the presence of someone or something around me it did not drive me nuts like before.
I was never scared but now I was not curious either, I LEARNED TO BEFRIEND WHAT WAS AROUND ME. Taking it as a part of universe’s connection with me. I believe there are souls who drift through the universe seeking other’s who can connect with them on some level and that’s the way our heart strings get attached to unknown people across the globe. Sometimes we are portals to some helpless souls who need to be cared and loved. I feel blessed that the creator chose me as a giver and not as a receiver.
During last two years of dedicated efforts I also experienced moments of trance in which for a few minutes (max half an hour) I felt the emptiness, the timelessness. At first I got worried but then my Godfather explained that it is a state of “dhyan” which is different from meditation, where for sometime one merges completely with the unknown something far superior then anything we know.
Twice I experienced seeing a bright white light and went into total blankness for sometime and then suddenly came back. In that period I once just saw brightness and on second occasion saw light and open green serene hilltops where I was strolling alone it was something magical. Both the incidents happened during a wide awake state and were not a part of my day dreaming.
At other times I experienced pain in the right side of the abdomen and the reason explained was energy trapped inside. It is not easy to follow a path of spiritual enlightenment and the more I tried to run after it and sat for hours trying to get the vision back, it just did not happen.
“One should let it come to you” my Godfather said. “Do not pursue it or it will fade away.”
Now I rarely go into that state but do get sudden intuitions, about people close to me. Many a times I do distant healing and send positive energy to those who are very close to me. I have not learned Reiki or Pranik Healing but have received both from experts. It does help in clearing the energy blocks.
In my case it is just love and prayer I guess and a complete trust in the process of the universe. It does heal you and takes care of you if you do not interfere and let it take its course.
I have seen healing take place, have connected with loved ones who are far away just by mentally focusing on them. Many a times I myself fall sick while curing someone but then that’s a rare thing. love turns you blind at times 🙂
I have managed to overcome my fears about the unknown and the visions have lessoned. for example the black cobra with a marked raised hood that I felt staring at me from inside the dark cupboards and any dark place has vanished. it used to be so freaky that even if I would get down from the bed in the dead of the night I would stop sensing its presence there. I would stop pulling out stuff from the closet and pull my hand back feeling it was there lurking somewhere. It annoyed me when it did not show itself but I never felt scared.
The visions we usually see are our suppressed feelings , thoughts taking shapes most of the time. Analyzing them may lead to some answers but then if they are not bothering then I guess one should leave them alone and soon they will vanish. The idea is to befriend what’s unexplained and unknown and not be scared.
There have been dreams which reoccurred for years and then just evaporated.
Strange things happen when you have something unexplained swirling inside you and I feel excited and enjoy my being different.
Many a times I write in an hypnotized state. My fingers just tap dance on the keyboard and then I only see what I have produced after posting it. For that time from start to finish someone else does the writing for me. those pieces of writing come out from some inner depths where I still have to reach.
I am glad that I got the right light to guide me. To help me discover myself and connect with my inner as well as develop an unconditional complete trust in nature. I see it as a woman. A supreme creator and benevolent mother of all.
It doesn’t mean I give up on my interest in mythical and mystical creatures, the unexplained, and the psychic. They remain my area of interest and maybe a day will come when I will be able to connect with them too.