Rambling heart


Sometimes the heart is filled with mixed emotions. Just that.

Is it wrong to have a good trusting heart? Why is it that people try to smother you the moment they find you vulnerable or naive? Is not friendship/ love or for that matter any relationship about giving space?

Sometimes one has to let go even after knowing that the person means well. Relationships blossom only when there is a flow in them, like a river. When you try to lead someone’s life for him/her then it begins to wither. We all try to control the other person all the time but the moment someone does it to us we rebel.

Sometime the best thing to do is quietly let go and move on. You can’t force a flower to bloom. To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship.

Yesterday all the young adults were at home. It warmed my heart to see how these kids have grown up to be such wonderful human beings. It wasn’t long ago when they trotted all over the house wearing diapers .  It’s amazing  how one of them has started earning, another  crossed his teens today and the little ones are not so little anymore.  We saw their baby pictures and read the small little notes and letters they had written . The beautiful drawings that those little artists made brought back so many memories.

Today is my firstborn’s twentieth birthday. Strange that when one beautiful relationship was blossoming another was crumbling like a house of cards. Sometimes I wonder what is this strange relationship I share with my boys. They are my sons, best friends, confidante and much more.  There is a much deeper bond that connects us where age is no bar. I think despite of  all the blows that life gave the journey was one hell of a crazy fun trip with both.  Trust me raising two brats is not for weak hearted. I have had my share of tears and laughter.  You can browse through all the  posts about my mind-blowing brats and me Here  

Talking of relationships reminds me of some very beautiful ones that I share with some very precious people in my life. Some are just memories as either the other person is no more or they have moved on to different cities and different arms but the warmth remains.

My father was a very special person. We shared a great friendship and I accepted him with all his follies. Who are we to judge but Yes, I raised my voice against what I felt was wrong.  We argued, discussed, laughed off something, got pissed off at others but the bond strengthened with each day. I sometime wonder what makes a relationship click ? Maybe it is the similarities or maybe it is the differences. I know that it is acceptance of both that makes some strong but then why do some of them crumble? We are forgiving in one relationship and so very unforgiving in another?

I guess it is question of how deep is the hurt. When the hurt penetrates deeper into the crevices of heart it is difficult to nurture a bond. The heartstrings lose the elasticity, they break .  All one can do is forgive and move on. We learn from past relationships, we learn all the time, every moment teaches us something one just needs to be aware. I have realized we can either make it  bitter or better.  I want to bring out the nectar from the poison.

I began this post yesterday but these days emotional posts get me down. Today is the festival of light. A time to look within and observe the inner light. To let go of all the hurt, pain and negativity. To Believe and embrace life as it unfolds.

Life enriches in more than one ways. I lost some of the most precious years yearning for love, compassion, dignity and most of all my inner child but today I feel I have come a full circle. I have learned to accept love in any form it comes. To keep my palms open. It is said that it is not standing still that makes the butterfly sit on your palm but the stillness of heart. I am sure I will be able to still my heart from today.

There are people who have warmed and nourished my life . Friends , some virtual other real, who have given me strength to shed the veils, to be myself, to love myself and stand alone again.

Sometimes the heart knows no reasons and goes all out to just Love. Relationships sometimes don’t have names. They just are. It is a feeling beyond words. One just feels blessed. I thank the universe for bringing this joy to me , for all the precious hearts who are connected to mine , for the light that guides me in the form of my mentor , for the immense love and care I receive from someone very special . Distances do not count, nor does someone’s being or not being physically, it is the energy flow that matters. It really does.

I learned one thing in recent years , it is Our heart that sings the unchained melody of love , it doesn’t posses , doesn’t smother .. just loves and sometimes there is a duet sometimes not but the song remains eternally beautiful. It is complex and yet simple. There is a longing and yet there is a free flow. I want it to be like that .. flowing. No one got anything from caging someone. It is in the spaces that love grows. We just need to open our heart petals. I am doing it and am sure the universe will respond.

This is my rambling heart , flowing as a river. Sometimes calm and serene and at others youthful like the mountain spring.

So here is to love, happiness, light and peace

Here is a beautiful song for all of you  and especially for someone who changed the course of my life by just being there unconditionally.

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3 thoughts on “Rambling heart

  1. M so glad to have found a sensible blog after a long time! Went through some of your posts. Are you a writer professionally? Your writing is quite effortless…following u!

    Like

  2. loved the fluidity in your post.love chained changes, love exists only when we dont reaaly care whether its there or now..just soak in the emotion, the nameless ones are always the best..love your writing and read each post. bless you

    Like

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