Relationship Dysfunction: The All Engulfing Apron Strings And The Parental Guilt Trip


This is not just my story, it is the story of all women who dare to dream , who dare to step into the home maker arena and face the Monster – in – law from Hades who is a pro in running the show and is the master puppeteer. It is the story of women who are financially dependent and have been  dreamers all their lives. Who believe in ” and they lived happily ever after ” stories.

The hard truth is that all men have mothers and some mothers just don’t know where to draw a line and let go of their sons .

These controller moms invade the fabric of their son’s  life till the core and leave it tattered.

Have you ever wondered, Why?

Why do they smother their sons?

Why don’t they let them blossom instead of stunting their entire personality?

How does one find a man grown-up enough to have disentangled himself from those unrelenting, all-engulfing choking  apron strings?

Why is it that men  are unable to cut the strings and release themselves?

Doesn’t it suffocate them to lead a life on a leash with a guard on their mouth and brain kept in vegetative state ?

I am married to one such man and seriously don’t understand WHY he accepts all this with head bowed. It is always a guilt trip, an emotional blackmail, a constant tug of war.

Parents constantly hammering the fact that the son is duty bound to look after them in their old age  even if it means killing his desires and submitting to his fate designed by them.

What is the mystery behind these apron strings that become a noose for the woman the son marries?

Why cant the MIL exit gracefully and let the son and DIL live their lives? Why is it important for her to constantly prove the superiority and criticize  everything I or her son do?

What makes her irascible ?

Some questions only she has answers to.

Overbearing suffocating love which turns to manipulative scheming  emotional blackmail holds back the freedom to grow and simply turns “mama’s boys”  to “mama’s Men” . The dominant matriarch  not only controls the son but her hubby too and practically every person.  I have seen by experience how for each decision he has to seek permission of his parents and give in to their demands and wishes irrespective of his desires. He folds his passion for life, his aspirations and dreams and tucks them in a dark crevice knowing that he would never gain enough courage and strength to stand up for himself.

This kind of man is molded in a special mold from birth. Designed to take commands and lead a life of suppression. His mind is trained to just look at one angle and not revolt against what is being said and done. He is given a life which seems like a ” comfortable setting” but is basically a ” dog’s den”.

I have seen my MIL say with pride how she has taken care of all the needs of her son all her life and he had obeyed her without questioning  like a “dutiful son” until now when I came in the pretty picture to ruin his life and theirs.  However I may abide to the so-called “norms and customs of their family I am an outsider. My place is below her jutti ( slippers) and am a non entity with no respect dignity or standing of my own. She doesn’t want her beloved dutiful son to turn into ” hand pecked” husband to such non entity.

I used to wonder if it is only  true of  “love” marriages and inter-caste marriages  but I realized this wasn’t the case. This breed is found irrespective of caste, creed, social strata , economic background. It just varies in its shades.

The relationship turns sour with each passing day and the guy becomes a martyr. Poor chap is caught between the love of his mom and wife who has barely entered his life. The blame game starts and the DIL becomes the butt of insults, accusations and the suppressor becomes the victim.

I have seen the emotional dramas, the hunger strikes, the silent treatment, the cold shoulder, the constant cribbing and the sorrowful complaints and I have seen how t is taken with bowed head and sealed lips.

In the scale of relationship always the scale tips in favor of mom( parents in some cases like mine) .

You are guilty of wanting a life of your own.

You are guilty of dreaming of a happy home with your life partner and kids if any.

You can guilty if you open your mouth in protest or want to assert yourself in any way.

You are the disrupting factor in the “mum’s world “.

I have come to a conclusion that men whose  mothers take every opportunity to stay involved in their lives have bad marriages and poor, disturbed relationship with their partners.  These men consider the behavior of the mother normal and support her cause  mainly because they are conditioned that way for all of their lives and secondly they don’t know anything else.

Instead of lovingly raising their sons and setting them free  some mothers remain entrenched in the lives of their sons causing major havoc in the relationship of the son and his wife. These perpetual adolescents never really grow up and remain tied to the apron strings of their mom’s. I feel personally that such men are not emotionally balanced or equipped to handle adult relationships and fail miserably in their constant battle to keep everyone happy. Their life is always hell and full of conflict and heartache.

I read in a book by Kenneth Adams and Alexander Morgan, “There is a universe of difference between a mother who loves her son dearly and a mother who makes her son the primary focus of her passion and preoccupation in an attempt to compensate for her own emptiness.”

These men not only have sexual dysfunction but they also direct their anger towards the partner , are people pleasers and can never ever stand up for themselves leave aside for their partners.  I agree 100% with the author .

I have lived  for 20 years with such a man and know what it is. All the efforts to make him understand seem like a conspiracy to distance him from the woman who gave him birth and raised him  with such difficulties. His life becomes ridden with guilt and anxiety  if he says as much as one word in favor of  me.

He would  rather destroy a relationship that is good for him than stand up to the omnipresent female power in his life called MOTHER. It is extremely sad to see an otherwise wonderful life  getting destroyed at all possible levels  just because the  mother is so tightly woven into the fabric of his life.  My MIL always strokes her son’s ego and unfortunately he, blinded by her love and scared of social stigma, continues to wear blinkers and follow quietly on the thorny path they have paved for him.

Unfortunately in my case it wasn’t just the mom( sometimes benevolent and caring and at others a mafia don like figure )  but both the parents who slowly drilled holes in a marriage they never approved of. They  seized upon the problems in our relationship which had mainly sprung from their deeds and his laid back attitude towards it and then used those issues to create unpleasantness and rift between us, all the  time  maintaining their control.

They acted liked gasoline on the fire and over the years by remote control or by being there as a hanging sword they managed to bring a relationship to a point of no return. They messed up a marriage, destroyed their son’s dreams just to be supreme controllers. I find it very distressing  and disheartening to see these men  spend their entire  life living  mediocre lives caused by their  narcissistic mothers’ ideals or parental overbearingness.

To see that so called social stigmas, morals, the intense desire to seek social approval, the complete surrender to absolutely unjust demands and emotional guilt trip and much more is capable of overthrowing the love and stability, caring and respect, togetherness and blossoming is  unbelievable.

Today after 20 years of my marriage I have found my voice to stand up for a life of dignity and to bring it out in open not to humiliate anyone but to make people see sense and let their grown up children be. To let men think again what a relationship means to them and how important it is to find a balance in some complex relationships like these.

It is heartbreaking to see all your efforts in building a relationship go down the drain just because the man you trusted tour life with did not know how to take care of it. Each one suffers in his/ her own way. Children are also at the receiving end  where mother is fighting for her rightful place and is unable to take that one strong step of stepping out because of financial dependence and the father is too weak to stand up and face his unjust parents especially the mother.

I have already written about adjustment and compromise that a woman has to face  and it is not that I am insensitive to the elderly people  but I also feel that we need to give roots and wings to our children.

Parents who see their sons as investments  almost always end up as losers. They lose respect, love, their child and a happy family they could have been a part of. It cut my heart to let go of  relationships that I had so painstakingly nurtured with my tears, sweat and blood but there is a time when one realizes that there is live much more important and worthy of attention – One’s own life.

We bury it under layers and layers of commitments and duties and somewhere forget to live. Choked by apron strings a son lives a suppressed life unwilling to break the shackles and breathe free  and in that process smothers a marriage, a relationship which could have been a life long source of joy and togetherness.

Sometimes good emerges from the dark harsh realities. I know that my life has deeply instilled one important thing in the minds of my sons – Respect for women as fellow human beings.

Having lived a home bound life of total financial dependence it is hard to start on a fresh note. As a close friend said ,” it is all there for you to get, the only thing is How badly you want it.” To have a financial independent life is extremely important. So is a family that understands the daughter’s predicament in her marital home and doesn’t abandon her in this rough patch. I may not have the first but have the second and that makes all the difference.

I hope men would realize how important it is to cut the strings and blossom as individuals and that parents are irreplaceable but so is every moment of their own  life.

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40 thoughts on “Relationship Dysfunction: The All Engulfing Apron Strings And The Parental Guilt Trip

  1. I might not be married, and neither do I claim to have enough experience, but four years with a Mama’s boy and a break-up after that taught me quite a lot too! I have seen how he was indeed “conditioned” to be a yes-mama, right from his childhood. And even when it was apparent the mother-son relationship bordered on unnatural, even outright creepy, it was also apparent that my ex was totally oblivious to the “natural” way of things, because of the simple reason that he just wasn’t taught about the proper and improper by his mother! Manipulative, blackmailing and scheming.. the mother was all this and so much more.. And to top it all, I was on a guilt-trip, torn between wanting to make him realize where things were wrong, and letting him change on his own. No wonder inspite of claiming to love me like a daughter (all for the benefit of her own son) the mother not once called me after the break-up to ask why things went wrong. Good riddance, maybe?

    Sorry for the long rant, but although I generally refrain from commenting on other’s posts, seeing you write about it with so much honesty opened a few floodgates of my own.

    I am glad you let it all out. I have often wondered why these men dont use their brain to judge and know what’s good for them? Why a certain relationship pulls them down and makes them dull. My MIL and for that matter FIL also used to say “you are just like my daughter” but you know there is a difference between being “just like daughter ” and ” being a daughter” . It is all a sham. I haven’t gone into details here but some day I will write about it.
    I know now that instead of blame game and being sorry for oneself the move should be to think what’s your life worth and just do that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and reading mine. Do keep coming here.

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  2. I felt as if you were writing my story…..soem parents are supe rmessed up…..in my case it was 80% father in law and 20% mother in law. As long as i could have given them material things….and behaved above reproach so that they can say…”that is my son’s wife”….[yes not even used my name…seems we loose our identity when we marry]…i do not understand when they want to keep their son to themselves why do they make them marry and have kids? is just to torture another few souls or to show they have the power to destroy other ppls lives?…i just dont get it! ..my marriage broke up after 17 yrs….of me beign tired of beign a dog…tired of having to think about kids future alone….tired of not evne havign a key to the front door when i came from work i had to ring the door bell…how f*cked up is that? …tired of trying to please everyone and make them happy and forgetting that i had a share in this thing called “happiness”….sigh…am not gonna say more but from the above comment….you just gave the dam an opening!….sigh.

    😦 Am So sorry to know this Saudia but at least you are out of the crap and your life is in your control now. I have been through worse mainly because of my financial dependence and soft nature. Maybe I am an insecure person from within. It took me half of my life and a lot of strength to at least take this one step of leaving the place. Still I am unsure of what course life will take untill I become independent financially . To what extent they will cause trouble for me is beyond my dreams so just hoping that I am able to fight this battle and win in too.
    Hugs to you.

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  3. @Tikuli,

    It was one long post. You are a good writer and have won contests, your writing is your career. By the way

    20 years that is a long time sista. It his high time you got somethings straight.

    http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/all-about-relationships/dealing-with-in-laws/

    http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/all-about-relationships/lets-talk-communication-deadlock/

    In 20 years you have legitimate right to ask how long is she planning to play this passive aggressive game and ask him how long do you have to wait for him to grow up to be a man. I guess you married a man not a 5 year old boy. If he could choose a inter caste partner without mommy’s approval and make two kids then it is time he made some hard decisions.

    Here is the formula of making spineless squids with uncut umbilical chords-

    http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/desi-parenting-raising-devoted-sons/

    http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/desi-mothers-in-law/

    These women have attachment issues and men they raise are kept on short leash by creating abandonment fears in early childhood. These men never grow up they are just adult bodies with 5 year old mind and soul when it comes to intimate relationships, they cannot do anything on their own as mommy’s approval makes and breaks their existence.

    …He is given a life which seems like a ” comfortable setting” but is basically a ” dog’s den”.

    By the way dens are for lions, dogs live in kennels and mangers, that’s where they belong.

    @saudia,

    You said: …i do not understand when they want to keep their son to themselves why do they make them marry and have kids?…

    No it is not for torturing the other person. It is for preventing any revolt from son by meeting his sexual needs and procreation aspirations. Desi marriage is a very calculated game that gives a man access to legitimized sex and procreation then you as parents can keep him in line.

    Peace,
    Desi Girl


    Dear Desi Girl
    Thank you for your comment and links which were very useful. I tried everything and when I say everything I mean all that could bring some kind of peace, reconciliation and harmony in the family. I shed my skin to mold my self in the role they wanted me to play to an extent that I lost my own identity somewhere but it did not work.
    I asked all the questions, extended support to help him blossom along with me and children but he is stuck up. I am not playing any blame game here because I made the decisions , decisions which at that time seemed the only choice due to the circumstances.
    When there is no back up system of any kind it is usually not so easy to take bold steps however one may want. now when the kids are a bit grown up something inside revolted against more suffering.
    Living with a person who can not stand up for you at times when you need that support most is heartbreaking.
    Yea Dogs live in kennels 🙂 will correct it.
    Thank you again for being here and sharing your thoughts.

    @Saudia DG is so right

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  4. As usual, an extremely well written post. I met Ritu and Shail the other day I was just telling them how much I enjoy your writings.
    Good Luck Tikuli, you are such a brave soul. A lot of us wouldn’t even have managed to write such a post !Your dreams will come true, am very sure they will

    Hi Ruchira
    Missed meeting you and shail and of course Ritz and Ishaan. Wish someone had indicated .I was so near to shipra mall. Anyway next time maybe. 🙂
    Thank you so much for all the love and support. Do keep sharing your views. I too will do so.

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  5. After so many comments, mine would seem redundant and superfluous. But I must write few lines for you. Every bit of this post shows you have poured your frustration in it. And as u have said in the very first line, it is a story of every Indian marriage. Someone told me, ‘ILs have this dominating, belittling attitude flowing in their veins. When u will become one, u will be doing the same.’ I instantly promised myself. My kids (that refers to my son and my DIL who wud come well after two decades from now) would have no troubles from me. Even if I stay with them, i make sure their relationship and their privacy is not contaminated because of me.
    Perhaps we can make marriages pleasant for the generations to come…

    Thanks for your comment Priya . I am glad you made that promise to self . I always feel everyone should do this. Kids are not extension of ourselves. They are individuals with their own lives.
    I am glad I got a good upbringing and my mom has an awesome relationship with her DIL. touchwood.

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  6. This strikes such a chord….. and I can understand when u say how difficult it is to start again, esp when used to financial dependency for over 20 years! all i can wish you is all the very best and hope you manage to hold yourself up!
    though I am not in as bad a situation as you are, I can empathize, simply because things arent so different, even though mine was an arranged marriage, and my relationship with my m-i-l is quite ok 50 % of the time.. the other 50 % is just the same as yours, and I cant see things changing in the near future….what really worries me is how my son is going to turn out in such an atmosphere…. all my energy simply goes into trying to make sure he doesnt grow up as spineless as my hubby… and that is what leads to most of the trouble at home…. sorry to add my rant to this, but you simply opened the floodgates with your post, and I couldnt stop myself!

    Worry about children is something strong with me too. Trust me Anu it is hard on them. My elder one has seen it all since he was knee high. I had to send him off to hostel for 5 years to let him escape all this . 😦
    Both the boys got dragged into the mess. Give your child a right direction and he wont falter I am sure. Both my sons have strong opinions about their lives and are in full support of me.
    Never feel sorry Anu for opening up your heart. you never know where your heartstrings may get connected and give hope to some troubled soul. Love and hug .

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  7. Hey Tiks, like I keep saying, hang in there, dost. There is no going back, if you go back, you are finished, remember that. So move ahead. You still have a lot of living to do. Just remember, bitterness kills, so keep your heart open. Just be the loving soul you are. Things will work out.

    Hi Ritu
    yes there is no turning back and thats very clear with me. I wont give in and I wont give up . I am trying to find some work and its tough right now but things will take shape in due course I know.
    I am not bitter at all. People can give only what they have not more than that and I feel sorry for those who are limited from within. I am happy that I have friends who have stood by me more than anyone else and it gives a lot of courage.
    My heart is open to all the good and abundance offered by the universe and it receives well. thank you for being there dost. hugs and love

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  8. @Tikuli,

    Believe me DG knows you have tried everything in your power in last 20 years to make them accept you, to an extent that you even lost your self.

    How about putting your foot down- couple’s counseling or nothing doing between you and me. Living in such hostile environment and with non supportive spouse is not easy and good for one’s health.

    DG knows when ever you’ll initiate this discussion there will be a communication deadlock. There will be attempts to dissuade you from pursuing the topic. There will be silent treatment, pouting, self punishing to make you guilty… It is a game where the other waits till you drop the topic and in 20 yrs he has mastered it.

    DG feels for you, jobs are hard to come by but see if you can volunteer at some non profit and spend some time outside the home and that toxic environment.

    Peace,
    Desi Girl

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  9. What irks me is, if a man ‘listens to and obeys’ his mother or sister, then he is a ‘dutiful boy’ but if he does the same for his wife, then he is ‘spineless’?!!! Typical of our Indian culture. Its time we changed this. Let’s start with our kids!!

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  10. I came to your blog from womensweb and must say I admire you for leaving after 20 years. I am trying to leave too, but am still working on my fear of living alone.

    Wish you all the very best!

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  11. Pingback: Desi Sons: Victims of Their Mothers « A Desi Girl's Guide to Relationship Survival

  12. Hi, I can say a honest post this one. You let out the frustration that was building inside you since long long time. Love is good but when it becomes possession it becomes harmful for the whole family. Same thing happened in your case. may god give you courage and strength to fight it, and live your life with respect and success.

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  13. Appreciate your guts to express it all out aloud. And every word of it was so true, could realise how nice a human you are but I am sure that emotional guilt makes us girls, ever so doubtful about ourselves and intentions, though we try all our level best to meet all ends to make HER happy. And it was only yesterday I was talking aloud the same to my hubby and smiling at the irony that a woman only creates hurdles in way of another woman. A woman who could not do much in her life and did not live life she wanted to coz of her personal decisions, can’t let the women with better or should I say different aspirations move up and excel in her life. I guess, we can never stop them and explaining is hopeless, rules are different for sons and DILs…God Bless these MILs and all I pray is I am never amongst these Monsters when I become a MIL.

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  14. Somehow you wrote my story…

    Only difference is that I have woken up and standing for myself after 5.5 yrs.

    Its never too late…
    You are better than many those immitate these lives for their sons…

    -FIB

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  15. Pingback: Relationship Dysfunction: The All Engulfing Apron Strings And The Parental Guilt Trip « Fakeindianbbahu's Blog

  16. tikuli i read & generally don’t respond on personal topics, but divorce after 20 years really takes the cake. my feelings are with you. your husband must have mastered the art of slow poisoning. after 20 months or so men lose physical interest and then it becomes imperative to connect emotionally. modern men have transformed themselves to sophisticated politicians from the earlier vicious wifebashers. diplomacy, manipulation, emotional blackmail are all part of this selfish agenda. maybe you know best.

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  18. Oh Tiku, very sorry to know that you had to go through so much of pain and anguish. But I’m glad that you found your way out of it. Heres wishing you all the very best for future.

    Take care
    Hugs!

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  19. Tikuli, I wish you a lot of strength and happiness along with the independence! Do not for a moment think that you have been financially dependent. After living 20 years with a spouse who was making money, you are entitled to 50% of his income. You need to explore the laws. Here in US women get fair amount as child support and alimony. Love and best wishes!

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  20. Well Tiku, however I would like to go with the general view and also I do know some of the backstory, but no I will say there is a different concept here. Yes the woman is attached too the son, as she is, so is the son (I am going generalized view here, no comments on personal issue)

    Many woman think there are only two ways of handling this, be a doormat (accept your fate) or reject it (be a rebel) but remember one thing a surgeon before cutting the cord between mom and kid does not pull it off as it may hurt both, he simply slices it carefully, methodologically.

    There should be a sense of assurance first, to the mother, that the son is in capable hands. Then there should be a sense of freedom to the son, that mom can take care of herself. Trust me you do not want to know the psychological condition of the male brain within a dysfunctional family.

    Obviously all this i am saying a theory and can be wrong as for you who have experienced it first hand. Men cannot actually cut the string, my lady, your boys also will find it hard. 🙂

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  21. Yes, after 20 years all your frustration have been building up and it is all but obvious that it should come out in some form and saying it out to the world through your blog is a very good and easiest way. Thanks to the internet.

    What Sid says above seems to be very practical that this is not something which happens in India only, boys will always be attached to their moms and those strings can’t be cut that easily.

    When you go the other way round, thinking from the perspective of a man, don’t you think that he who goes to office everyday bearing all the physical tortures, putting up with all the mental pressures, competition and returns tired to the home but with his smile still on so that his family doesn’t bear the brunt of his frustration has so much on his mind? It IS difficult for any person to handle the pressure from world and then back home but still he tries to keep everyone happy and in turn gets nothing because its his duty to keep his family well.

    Sid correctly said that until and unless wives prove that they’ll take good care of mom’s son and his family, she won’t let him off. Trust is the key.
    But this again is true that some MIL are ones who never ever will trust and keep those strings tied and hence create problems.(which might be your case, i don’t know)

    I sincerely hope that all goes well in your life and you remain happy throughout with your family. After all winning against life is what seems to be motive of life to me.

    Cheers and Best Wishes!

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  22. It is better to be to late than never and good that you could pour out your feelings. The long period build up often leads to depression and beyond. In such a situation, one should look for some one who has good ear and non judgemental.

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  23. Pingback: If it hurts it is not love #Violence Against Women Awareness Month #October « Spinning a Yarn Of Life

  24. @Pratik: Why does the wife need to prove that she will take good care of him before the mother-in-law will cut the cord?

    Also, the very fact that the surgeon cut the umbilical cord after birth should convince the mother that her son is an independent human being and is no longer attached to her.

    When the man goes to work, does his darling mommy ask her son’s boss for a reassruance that he\she will “take good care of her son”?

    Then why should a mother be so insecure about her son’s wife?

    I presume that we are talking about adult men here and not little boys?

    Does a grown man really want to be treated like a child by his wife?

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  25. Hi Tikuli a lot of women will echo your words, but few have a courage to so candidly talk about what they went through..Hats off to you for articulating it so well. Hugs and may you have the strength to overcome all that comes your way

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  26. hi there,
    it was great to read your post, i always thought i was alone! my mother in law has never met in, and my partner has been with me for 6 years. she has told her son that if he ever got married she will disown him, thus her never meeting me. we use to fight alot, he even broke up with me to try to make his mom and sister (who was like the mom) happy, but it never worked out. 6 years later he has been “disowned” and we are living together on our own, and have had no contact with his mom or sister in over 2 years. he might be the exception to the rule though, he used to be manipulated by them, but i think it snapped for him the day they asked him to chose between me or them. he said no one that loves you will ever ask you to make a choice like that, so it made his decision easy. i never asked him to chose anyone. he often calls her a hypocrite because she actually was a good mom, and taught him a lot of morals, but now she actually goes against all of it. all in all, i dont think there is ever a chance for reconciliation, we actually going to have a big white wedding and personally i do not wish to extend an invite to them, weddings are suppose to be a celebration of our love, and they hate that, but for his sake i am going to try to extend the invite anyway. is there any hope that his mother may change? or that she regrets it? do these women ever feel regret?

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  27. I read this post long back but did not respond. As with most of the ladies above, echoed my situation as well. May be its not that bad situation for me or may be i don’t want to consider it bad as I don’t want to cut my strings with him. I want to keep on trying until i have strength to hope for a blossoming relationship with him. I just wish the “parents” realize that they are bows and we- arrows have to find our own path as beautifully said by Gibran. But what I would like to add, on as someone else also did above – the man is also a sufferer in this all process, just the levels are different. Its a difficult task for them to mend the ways acc. to his mother and his wife. He is a football kicked from both the sides, irrespective of wrong or right, its very difficult to convince someone that they are wrong and we are right. I pray for strength to ladies to handle it or leave it and some, atleast some “budhi” to MILs.

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  28. This is such an eye opener. I didn’t know that this was a dysfunctional family. My MIL is deceiving and loves me to death when she talks to my husband about me, and she is also his enabler to keep doing drugs. He is now serving a one year state jail sentence for forging her name on a check that wasn’t hers. (I guess he wasn’t paying attention!) I found out since he has been gone that he would still crawl up in the bed with her at fourteen and lay in the fetal position and go to sleep. Talk about creepy! I have the baby of the bunch-not good at all. He has overdrawn her account so many times that I didn’t know about and she bailed him out every time. We live on the same property as her and he spends more time doing things for her and just hanging out than he does at home. He never stands up for himself-or for me either-when it comes to what she wants and needs. We took care of his dad until he died and after that I became trash again and not good for her son. Because she enabled him, I have to see my husband a hundred and fifty miles away to have him to myself because she isn’t able to make the trip. Just today she had to tell me that she tried to crush a pain pill and put in his coke she was taking up there because she can’t stand to see him in pain. He went to court this last Friday and they denied shock probation and in the mean time, he is still in this county where she can take his commisary to him. When I went to see him this morning, I let him have it and he called her before I could get back home and she said he didn’t ask her to do it-that she did it all on her own. Thank God she wasn’t able to crush that pill because it’s a prison felony to take controlled drugs to the jail. I left him two months before he went to jail and he would come spend the night with me but since he has been gone, bills got tighter and tighter and I couldn’t move back to our own house because he had pulled some of the wiring out to sell since I moved. I had to move in with my MIL. Talk about trouble!!1

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  29. Hi Tikuli, my first time here from Facebook. I’m really sorry to read about your experience. It really is so unfair! It really speaks for your patience that you stayed for 20 years with this family.

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  30. Thank you, thank you for introducing me to the books by Kenneth Adams such as “When He’s Married to Mom”. I read it in one day. I may have to go back and read it again, but I had to get all the main ideas on the mechanics of this devastating problem. Again, thank you!!!! I wish you luck in resolving this problem in your life ! At least you know why it happened though.

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  31. Pingback: Monday Memories 16 – Five Years Of Blogging With WordPress | Spinning a Yarn Of Life

  32. Wow! Can I just say that your blog is really spot on! My sister in law is also in the same situation, it’s like you’re writing her life story. We have an evil mother in law but lucky me my husband was able to break free from his uber controlling mother. It’s nice to read something like this, it’s not everyday I get to read such blog that is close to my heart. Wait after 20
    Years of marriage your MIL is still alive?? Hahah I’m kidding.

    Liked by 1 person

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