Sleep eluded me as I tried to struggle with a bad cold and cough. In the middle of the night the cool breeze relaxed my restless heart and tired body. I tried to sit up and work on the lappie but somehow did not have the strength. The drumbeat in the cell indicated a text message. There are times when the heart is torn between longing and loss. It’s an emotion which can’t be really described. Tears know not for what reason they flow. My vision blurred I slid out of bed and went to the terrace. Apart from a constant hum of the refrigerator the entire house was bathed in silent glow of the night-light. I still believe that heartstrings are tuned irrespective of physical distances and unseen heard melodies are the ones that make life worth what it is.
Somehow this song came flooding to my mind.
Something old dies to give birth to something new. However we may try to become a robot in the mechanical lifestyle we lead there are spaces in between that need to be filled. It is a gift one must accept with gratitude if we find just the right person to merge beautifully in those spaces.
I feel there is time and place for everything and though the heart may long for more than what is it is best to let the relationship grow at its own pace. You can’t hurry a flower to bloom.
I took solace in his being and not being. The still night helped the unruly heart to calm a bit.
The stuffy summer air made me long for a chilled glass of water. Not a single star was visible. I dragged myself to the bed and lay down. The heart was still heavy and the brain was in blender over some pressing issues.
I must have dozed off slightly for an hour or so. A feeling of breathlessness woke me from a dream.
Stranger things have happened in my dreams but this was more of a vision than just a dream.
A long room with white walls, something like a waiting room filled the canvas of my mind. I am surrounded by what I call my ‘legal family’ I say this for the lack of a better word. Something isn’t right and I am thrown out on the street wrapped just in a white cloth, maybe a saree. My right foot hurts (it actually did) and there are scratched on the arms. A boy with a kettle full of hot tea and some glasses tries to help and asks for the cloth claiming it to be his. I plead him to let it be with me as it is the only thing I have to cover my body.
He tells me to run away before it is late. I drag myself as quickly as possible through dark lanes and reach a railway track. Unable to see clearly I fall and a part of the cloth gets stuck somewhere. I wake up with the hum of an approaching train.
The dream left me disturbed and in the morning we came to know about a death of someone in the family and a preponed visit to Lonavala.
Any such event is combined with weather change. The clouds filled the sky. Though the breeze became cooler the atmosphere remained stuffy.
The second dream came the night after. Maybe it was just a fragment from the past.
I woke with an intense pain in the left abdomen just below the ribs. The push of the moist hard muzzle was felt very strongly. It was a big black dog. Maybe a Great Dane or a hound and it had a distinct smell. I wasn’t scared of the beast but it hurt as it kept pushing me.
I pleaded to the young teenage boy to take the dog away but even after various attempts to pull it away the dog did not budge.
I am still finding the connection between these dreams and their meanings. Meanwhile I am trying to explore the city and hills nearby.
The old Mumbai- Pune highway wasn’t such smooth drive as it is now. As the car zipped passed the city and the fields, the gorgeous sun slowly melted and began to flow in the sky.
I have happy memories of taking this road as a girl. The one I remember most is with my uncle on a scooter. It was fun to drive through the villages, with the mountains overlooking the green vast expanses of land. Life was just a dream then. The drizzle brought back the memories.
It also brought an ache. Memories of love and of special places that are etched in the heart forever. Beautiful seasonal river flowing through lush green valley surrounded by mountain ranges, favorite spots under the trees, a food stall which now doesn’t exist, the aroma of hot tea . The songs and much more that is now lost in time.