This post is for “Soch Lo blogger Contest” by IndiBlogger based on a true incident .
Do all relationships come with a past ?
A few days back I would have said ” not necessarily” but today watching her in contented deep slumber I feel different.
One of the endless ironies in life is the time we spend longing for others, when a different set of ‘others’ are longing for us. Sometimes ghosts from past emerge and disturb the even rhythm of life.
The freshly scrubbed sky had the same faint rosy pink of her cheeks. I changed into a nightshirt and slipped in beside her. Feeling a presence she turned and snuggled closer. I was consumed by longing but could not bring myself to make love..
I gazed at the ceiling the same feeling of emptiness around me. Gently I shifted a bit , lit a cigarette and opened my long forgotten journal to make an entry. Words turned stranger as a surge of memories flooded me.
It all began a week back when I gave her a book of memoirs which was launched at my café. The author was an Indian woman settled in Australia . Beautiful mind in an ageless body, that’s what her agent had told me during introductions. I agreed completely.
I can never forget the expression on Tara’s face as her dark eyes looked deeply at the book. Her face had a glow I hadn’t seen in ages. She ran her fingers gently on the glossy surface and flipped the pages softly. “Thank you so much” she smiled . I wanted to take her in my arms but simply smiled back.
“Would you like to meet the author” ?
The question startled her but she nodded like a happy child.
I could do anything to bridge the gap between us.
We met for dinner at a Resto – Bar. It was one of the best nights we ever had and she seemed to love it more than anyone. I marveled at the bond they had created in such a short time. The numbers exchanged, hugs shared we parted on a happy note.
I got busy again with my work and she got back to her writing and her new-found friend.
I saw the transformation coming in slowly and loved her more hoping that the things would change for us.
We were neck-deep into the launch of our new bar and worked nights a lot of times.
On that particular winter night I drove back home to get some important papers I had forgotten to take. The house was dark except for a warm light in the study. I quietly unlocked the door and walked in.
The place was filled with mixed aroma of exotic spices and flavors. I recognized the cinnamon, clove, etc and instantly knew what was cooking. The seductively melodious sounds of clarinet drifted in from the half-open door of the study. I approached quietly. I could hear the soft whispers but I wasn’t ready for the scene that unfolded before me as I peeped in.
The room was glowing with the fire from the fireplace. two bodies aflame by passion and longing lay there on the rug. I felt myself getting a hard on and yet I was stunned.
Speechless and rooted to the ground I watched as they fed each other completely unaware of their surroundings. Their mouths and fingers smeared in rich dark chocolate. The glossy liquid shone enticingly in a crystal bowl by their side. I felt the warm rich taste in my mouth and closed my eyes. Rhythm and Romance by Kenny G haunted the air making it even more erotic. Two magnificently sculpted bodies engages in the most erotic foreplay.
The long dark tresses of Tara flowing over Asma’s exquisitely carved back , their feet hugging each other. Long shapely legs shinning like molten copper moist and warm. I saw Asma roll over and make love to the woman who has been my wife of 10 years gently exploring and unveiling all the secrets places devouring her. Their nude lucid forms melting into each other. The rhythmic movement of their breasts made me wanting to drop all inhibitions and join them but a sudden hurt and anger seething inside held me clutching the door knob.
None of them had noticed my presence . The soft laughter and the highly intoxicating aromatic air made me weak in my knees and I walked back to my car trying to balance my myself.
Sitting there in the dark comfort of my car I went though the events of the past week. Suddenly it struck it like a bolt of lightning. They knew each other from before.
When, Where , How ? The questions made my head throb.
I wanted to believe that I was hallucinating under stress but no there it was, the stark reality of my life lying naked , baring it all in front of me, limiting my ability to manage both my emotions and thinking process.
The fragrance of their bodies lingering in my mind.
I drove back in a daze unable to get it out of my system. Handing over the papers I locked myself in the office and slumped on the couch.
There were a lot of missing pieces in this puzzle . The darkness began to haunt me .I switched on the lamp but the glow took me back to the study so I turned on the harsh tube light to help me cope with the shock.
Asma was supposed to fly back in the morning. I had mixed feelings about the approaching day.
I took my time to reach home and secretly hoped to find Tara sleeping but there she was bright and glowing , sipping the earl grey watching the early morning rose-tinted clouds.
My heart twitched from within. Gosh I loved this woman , desired her even more now .
What was happening to me?
I felt a tingling sensation go down my body as she smiled.
I must have looked uncomfortable so she broke the silence, ” I think we should talk”.
Not a great opening sentence .
I looked at her perplexed .
I watched her like a lost lamb as she stared out into the endless sky.
“I noticed you last night” . Short and crisp.
My mouth fell open and suddenly I was filled with anger and contempt.
I retained my composure to know the hidden story.
She spoke softly.
“I first came to know Asma during my creative writing workshop six years back.
Remember when I went to Pataya ?”
I did . She did not wait for a reply.
“She was an enigma during that time, still is . Her creative genius and charm was alluring and maybe she saw the same spark in me. We spent a lot of time together and finally moved together.
I guess the need for friendship, camaraderie and relaxation were uppermost in my mind, and the need for a physical touch was laying just beneath the surface. She always remained enticingly close to me during our beach walks and outdoors. During one such occasion we kissed for the first time. It began as a warm friendly embrace and ended up in a fiery passionate night. I lived in that frozen Ecstasy for my entire stay there. I am not exactly bi sexual neither is she but something brought us together. For me it was not just an opening for my suppressed sexual needs but something else that is unexplainable.”
She paused and I kept my eyes on her. I wanted to watch her expressions. Somehow this whole narration was leading me to an introspection yet there was a conflict, a wounded feeling of betrayal of the worse kind in my opinion. I think another man would still make sense but another woman ? It just did not sound alright to me.
” One of the endless ironies in life is the time we spend longing for others, when a different set of others are longing for us. I had longed for this spiritual fulfillment of being a woman from you for a long time and could not hold back when I got it” She resumed. ” After we parted at Pataya we were for a while in touch through emails but then she just began to slip away. I knew she was in a relationship so moved on with life. When you gave me the book it flooded me with that same fire. It felt like the first time together and I longed to meet her. The taste , the fragrance , the touch all became alive on that winter morning”.
“When I saw you looking at us I panicked for a moment but then you went away”. She finally looked at me with those deep dark eyes.
I was at a loss of words, I still am.
She rose and touched my shoulder softly .
“It was a dream that ended . I always loved you and still do. I have been honest now it is for you to decide what course our life will take . ”
“Soch Lo” , she said and sailed through the French windows like a gentle breeze.
My heart ached more than my tired body. I slept the day and went off to work quietly in the evening. She kept herself occupied with her work.
Now as I sit beside her writing this journal an inner voice is haunting me, ” What now ?”.
” Whatever you decide, ek bar soch lo.”
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