Do All Relationships Come With A Past ? Soch LO !

This post is for “Soch Lo blogger Contest” by IndiBlogger based on a true incident .

Intimate Betrayal

Do all relationships come with a past ?

A few days back I would have said ” not necessarily” but today watching her in contented deep slumber I feel different.

One of the endless ironies in life is the time we spend longing for others, when a different set of ‘others’ are longing for us. Sometimes ghosts from past emerge and disturb the even rhythm of life.

The freshly scrubbed sky had the same faint rosy pink of her cheeks. I changed into a nightshirt and slipped in beside her. Feeling a presence she turned and snuggled closer. I was consumed by longing but could not bring myself to make love..

Not yet.

I gazed at the ceiling  the same feeling of emptiness around me. Gently I shifted a bit , lit a cigarette and opened my long forgotten journal to make an entry. Words turned stranger as a surge of memories flooded me.

It all began a week back when I gave her a book of memoirs which was launched at my café. The author was an Indian woman settled in Australia . Beautiful mind in an ageless body, that’s what her agent had told me during introductions. I agreed completely.

I can never forget the expression on Tara’s face as her dark eyes looked deeply at the book. Her face had a glow I hadn’t seen in ages. She ran her fingers gently on the glossy surface and flipped the pages softly. “Thank you so much” she smiled . I wanted to take her in my arms but simply smiled back.

“Would you like to meet the author” ?

The question startled her but she nodded like a happy child.

I could do anything to bridge the gap between us.

We met for dinner at a Resto – Bar. It was one of the best nights we ever had and she seemed to love it more than anyone. I marveled at the bond they had created in such a short time. The numbers exchanged, hugs shared we parted on a happy note.

I got busy again with my work and she got back to her writing and her new-found friend.

I saw the transformation coming in slowly and loved her more hoping that the things would change for us.

They did.

We were neck-deep into the launch of our new bar and worked nights a lot of times.

On that particular winter night I drove back home to get some important papers I had forgotten to take. The house was dark except for a warm light in the study. I quietly unlocked the door and walked in.

The place was filled with mixed aroma of exotic spices and flavors. I recognized the cinnamon, clove, etc and instantly knew what was cooking. The seductively melodious sounds of  clarinet  drifted in from the half-open door of the study. I approached quietly. I could hear the soft whispers but I wasn’t ready for the scene that unfolded before me as I peeped in.

The room was glowing with the fire from the fireplace. two bodies aflame by passion and longing lay there on the rug. I felt myself getting a hard on and yet I was stunned.

Speechless and rooted to the ground I watched as they fed each other completely unaware of their surroundings. Their mouths and fingers smeared in rich dark chocolate. The glossy liquid shone enticingly in a crystal bowl by their side. I felt the warm rich taste in my mouth and closed my eyes. Rhythm and Romance by Kenny G haunted the air making it even more erotic. Two magnificently sculpted bodies engages in the most erotic foreplay.

The long dark tresses of Tara flowing over Asma’s exquisitely carved back , their feet hugging each other. Long shapely legs shinning like molten copper moist and warm. I saw Asma roll over and make love to the woman who has been my wife of 10 years gently exploring and unveiling all the secrets places  devouring her. Their nude lucid forms melting into each other. The rhythmic movement of their breasts made me wanting to drop all inhibitions and join them but a sudden hurt and anger seething inside held me clutching the door knob.

None of them had noticed my presence . The soft laughter and the highly intoxicating aromatic air made me weak in my knees and I walked back to my car trying to balance my myself.

Sitting there in the dark comfort of my car I went though the events of the past week. Suddenly it struck it like a bolt of lightning. They knew each other from before.

When, Where , How ? The questions made my head throb.

I wanted to believe that I was hallucinating under stress but no there it was, the stark reality of my life lying naked , baring it all in front of me, limiting my ability to manage both my emotions and thinking process.

The fragrance of their bodies lingering in my mind.

I drove back in a daze unable to get it out of my system. Handing over the papers I locked myself in the office and slumped on the couch.

There were a lot of missing pieces in this puzzle . The darkness began to haunt me .I switched on the lamp but the glow took me back to the study so I turned on the harsh tube light to help me cope with the shock.

Asma was supposed to fly back in the morning. I had mixed feelings about the approaching day.

I took my time to reach home and secretly hoped to find Tara sleeping but there she was bright and glowing , sipping the earl grey watching the early morning rose-tinted clouds.

My heart twitched from within. Gosh I loved this woman , desired her even more now .

What was happening to me?

I felt a tingling sensation go down my body as she smiled.

I must have looked uncomfortable so she broke the silence, ” I think we should talk”.

Not a great opening sentence .

I looked at her perplexed .

I watched her like a lost lamb as she stared out into the endless sky.

“I noticed you last night” . Short and crisp.

My mouth fell open and suddenly I was filled with anger and contempt.

I retained my composure to know the hidden story.

She spoke softly.

“I first came to know Asma during my creative writing workshop six years back.

Remember when I went to Pataya ?”

I did . She did not wait for a reply.

“She was an enigma during that time, still is . Her creative genius and charm was alluring and maybe she saw the same spark in me. We spent a lot of time together and finally moved together.

I guess the need for friendship, camaraderie and relaxation were uppermost in my mind, and the need for a physical touch was laying just beneath the surface. She always remained enticingly close to me during our beach walks and outdoors. During one such occasion we kissed for the first time. It began as a warm friendly embrace and ended up in a fiery passionate night. I lived in that frozen Ecstasy for my entire stay there. I am not exactly bi sexual neither is she but something brought us together. For me it was not just an opening for my suppressed sexual needs but something else that is unexplainable.”

She paused and I kept my eyes on her. I wanted to watch her expressions. Somehow this whole narration was leading me to an introspection yet there was a conflict, a wounded feeling of betrayal of the worse kind in my opinion. I think another man would still make sense but another woman ? It just did not sound alright to me.

” One of the endless ironies in life is the time we spend longing for others, when a different set of others are longing for us. I had longed for this spiritual fulfillment of being a woman from you for a long time and could not hold back when I got it” She resumed. ” After we parted at Pataya we were for a while in touch through emails but then she just began to slip away. I knew she was in a relationship so moved on with life. When you gave me the book it flooded me with that same fire. It felt like the first time together and I longed to meet her. The taste , the fragrance , the touch all became alive on that winter morning”.

“When I saw you looking at us I panicked for a moment but then you went away”. She finally looked at me with those deep dark eyes.

I was at a loss of words, I still am.

She rose and  touched my shoulder softly .

“It was a dream that ended . I always loved you and still do. I have been honest now it is for you to decide what course our life will take . ”

Soch Lo” , she said and sailed through the French windows like a gentle breeze.

My heart ached more than my tired body. I slept the day and went off to work quietly in the evening. She kept herself occupied with her work.

Now as I sit beside her writing this journal an inner voice is haunting me, ” What now ?”.

Whatever you decide, ek bar soch lo.”



Please Vote for me on IndiVine


The entry won the grand prize in the contest. 

71 thoughts on “Do All Relationships Come With A Past ? Soch LO !

  1. WOW Tiku…this one completely stunned me…

    “I had longed for this spiritual fulfillment of being a woman from you for a long time and could not hold back when I got it” – Oh God, its so true…

    And loved this one too – “One of the endless ironies in life is, the time we spend longing for others, when a different set of ‘others’ are longing for us. Sometimes ghosts from past emerge and disturb the even rhythm of life.”

    You play with words very well…loved the chocolate ecstasy too… 😉

    Thank you so much Uma .. Do vote for me on Indivine. you know life is such a strange journey .. at every corner, under every fold there is a story waiting.. this is just one of those 🙂 Glad you liked it


  2. This was a total stunner! I was reminded of ‘Vicki Cristina Barcelona’ somehow.

    Voted for your post. 🙂

    😛 Thanks so much Sammy .. little joys of life :p


  3. A nice piece we can all relate to. Which is more painful, longing after another who doesn’t want you–or being longed for by one you don’t want? Both experiences end up being sad, pretty music that stays with us.

    I vote yes to this.

    K it is such an honor to see you on my blog. It is all because of your guidance and support as my mentor that I was able to reach here.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart .
    Yea love the music :p


  4. Tara seems to be a person very much in touch with her inner self and I loved the confidence you have projected…she made a mistake in her marital life but has the courage to be forthright and open…will he be mature enough? or are we asking for too much?
    I have see so many wifes turn a blind eye, much to my annoyance, to relationships beyond a marriage and carry on as if nothing happened…no discussions, no display of anger, just submission saying ‘men are like that’

    Great write!

    Hi Nalini
    You see that is another thing I wanted readers to see.. open honest attitude. Glad you noticed. There is always a scope for improvement when we are forthright and courageous. No guilt but a conviction.
    It usually leaves the other person introspecting.
    Thanks so much Do vote on indiblogger


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  6. Will I vote for this? Oh my goodness I certainly WILL! You have woven a beautiful, captivating and soul touching tale with your fabulous use of words! hats off to you Tikuli!

    😀 Thank you sweetheart. errrr Now ppl don’t take it in any other way :p .. she is a lovely friend .. hehehe
    Love and hug

    Do promote and vote peeps.


  7. What a bold twisted tale on a topic that looked ever so simple to me on the face of it! This story definitely calls for a vote.
    ATB Tikuli..
    hope my vote takes you one step closer to a great win! 😀

    😀 Thanks Vibhz Each vote will take me closer to win. 😀 Keep promoting among pals


  8. It was a wonderful story. Such a confident woman. Great boss! Voted for you already 🙂

    Thanks to all those who have taken time out to read comment and vote .. keep rolling buddies


  9. It is indeed a lovely yarn you have spun…:) The maturity and the push and pulls of modern day relationships.. loved it..

    Thanks so much Deepthy . Glad so many people are able to relate with this . 🙂


  10. That was a beautifully crafted piece of writing Tikuli. all the best for the contest. my vote goes to….:)

    Thanks zephyr for everything 🙂 hugs


  11. What a fantastic story with fabulous play of words. You have a brilliant writing style.
    A wife’s needs and honesty – So well portrayed! You deserve all the votes.
    All the best!

    Thanks Bharti life teaches us at every point.. every experience contributes to the richness of the fabric of our being 😉


  12. Very thrilling and touching story indeed.
    Good. Great going My dear friend
    Keep up the good work.
    With all good wishes.

    Thank you Philip . Keep visiting


  13. A poignant story beautifully narrated.

    But the “soch lo” was a dampener. Did she really have to ask?

    Hi Pruba , welcome to my blog.

    well She Had too because in reality She did . 😉 ” think and let me know” that’s what she said. I just traslated it into Hindi. You see fiction is often much closer to reality than we usually think .
    That is all I would like to say . I appreciate readers who ask questions. It is a great way to communicate and improve . Thank you


  14. It so often happens …

    and yet we so often let it slip through our fingers

    little relaizing that the fingers will tremble for it again ..

    what’s holding back?




    May be all .. May be none!

    But then you opened

    “That which is , Is”

    Sums it all!

    Thank you so much for visitng and taking time out to connect . Yes , whatever you said is true 🙂 I am glad the post made you poner . Welcome to the blog. keep visiting


  15. a brilliant write
    very contemporary and real

    Thank you magiceye 🙂 hope you voted too. Do promote if if you like it and vote on indivine.


  16. Tiluki,

    Good plot and narrative technique.
    Such a pleasant reliefe to read about women’s desire and positive sexuality.

    Will vote.

    @ Journomuse,

    Nothing moder about it. Be it one mention in Ismat Chugtai’s Lihaaf or Rekti poetry of 18th century it was always around masses thought ignoring it will force it to go away…

    Queering India: Same-Sex Love and Eroticism in Indian Culture and Society NY: Routledge, 2002

    Same-Sex Love in India
    Palgrave-St Martin’s Press, 2000; New Delhi: Macmillan, 2002 Co-edited with Saleem Kidwai.


    Desi Girl

    Hi Desi Girl
    Good to see you again on my blog. Thank you so much . I am glad you like it for this is the truth and a reality of a woman’s desires unchained by any sort of pseudo norms of the society or the so called relationships . I have read lihaf and as you say same sex love is indeed an integral part of our literature and society even though it is not accepted so openly.
    I believe in the choices one makes unconditionally and stand by the dignity with which we should handle such thing.


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  18. Pingback: Soch lo,don’t all relationships come with a past?and aren’t they better for it? « Nonsensicalrambling

  19. Hi!

    I know love has no gender and I do believe in it. The term “minority” was used only because John had termed it as lesbian love. In discourse analysis one has to work from the given frame of reference. Please refer to my next comment on his blog. I have already declared this issue a passe…

    Please be assured I have better things to do than haggle with a young adult…


    Desi Girl

    I appreciate it DG I want this topic closed , he has already gained a lot of comments for nothing . he himself has written nothing of such importance and we are making his post a hit by discussing an issue which he doesnt seen to undestand.


  20. Wowww what a write up,,, i was glued from start to end and still i sit here amazed sharing your post with a friend ( megz 😛 )

    Just loved your way of writing,,,, and this one,,, though i can’t accept the context of the post,,,,, the write up is simply brilliant 🙂


  21. Tikuli…

    That was one LOADED ‘soch lo’ there…! I wonder what I’d have done had I been the one having to ‘socho’ this one… 🙂

    What a story… what a conflict… and how very beautifully written it is.

    The purpose of ‘voice’ is to speak the truth within- not to crow. After all, there IS a difference between being assertive and being obnoxiously arrogant. There is a self-possessed poise about assertion which has no need for being brashly demonstrative.

    Like your story here. 😀

    Bless you… wait to



  22. Mindblowing. I love the ending because well, it’s a non-ending. Neither black, or white, but an in-between, which is the apt description of life itself. Also, your writing reminded me of an anthology of short stories that I just read, by Jhumpa Lahiri, titled the Interpreter of Maladies. I suggest you read it because you just might enjoy it as much as I did.



  23. Hi friend

    I like this story very much… u r really great… what a confident she is? i like the end also… i came to heard about the chennaimoms website there are so many moms share their experience… i too studied that… but in this story especially i like ur way of writing… i appreciate ur talents…


  24. You have such an effortless and casual reminds me of the picture of a woman lazily admiring herself in the mirror..while little strand escapes into her chignon du cou..beautiful


  25. My my my !!
    I am so thrilled reading this. This was SOMETHING!
    The story, its bare honesty and the incredible narration!
    You were superb in every aspect, hands down !

    I really don’t have much to say, almost out of words right this moment. I will come back soon enough though, to chip in some more.

    I am new to the blogosphere. A couple of months old I’d say.
    If you can, do take a look at my blog. Encouragement from veteran writers like you, would really have me overwhelmed!


  26. Very well narrated indeed. I haven’t read a story like this in ages. The idea, the detail you went into, the expressions and emotions were extremely well portrayed.
    Brilliant write.


  27. It is a bit late to vote but still reading this was so refreshing. I mean, all the stories out there are so heterosexual but this one was so very novel. I am glad that you took it up this way. Talking of the female form, there is nothing like it.

    Way to go.

    Joy always,


  28. hidden desires and wants are a part of us and even embracing them takes guts and owning up to committing them takes a greater strength. the story really urges you to – “soch lo”


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  30. I enjoyed reading this.Initially ,I was kinda stunned.Confused if this girl was in love with a girl?? or am I getting it all wrong!! 🙂

    Well,what can I say,you made all those images flooding in my mind creating an untreaded world altogether.I think that’s what makes a writer a WRITER! WOW! 🙂

    Keep the awesome work coming! You got my vote! 🙂


  31. This is erotic , yet sensual grace is there .
    this is picturistic is quite relatable.
    This post is as deep as cleverly written
    makes me ur fan
    do keep writing this is amazing piece !


  32. complete bomber! superb story!

    initially, was perplexed when I saw that the narrator was a man, but then, as I read on, realised that was very apt..

    keep writing 🙂
    all the best..


  33. What a narration….. loved it from the beginning till the end all the way, it was dripping love and passion ❤


  34. First time here..You kept me glued till the end…very beautifully narrated…I liked couple of lines..we spend longing for others….very true..and the “longed for spiritual fulfillment…”,…You wove it so well


  35. At first I thought the narrator was woman who was in love with another female 🙂 Lovely , erotic and deeply sensual and how aesthetically crafted in your own unique style 🙂


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