“even lust and envy sleep, but love denies rest to my soul and slumber to my eyes” ...Dryden
I opened my scarf set free the fireflies and sprinkled the star-dust around me. Memories of love interrupted began to sparkle in the dark of the moonless night. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes.
Summer love .. the stolen moments of togetherness in secret places and the spirit rebellious struggling to break free. There is nothing more intoxicating than the first love. Irrespective of how old or how young one is, it sweeps you off your feet and surface in the form of a warm smile the moment you close your eyes years later and the tell-tale signs of stolen kisses, like crushed strawberry stains, emerge as a crimson hue on your cheeks.
Oh! what a delight is the memory of first love.
She was sixteen or seventeen and madly in love. His eyes shone so bright that they were almost black like that night when they met under the Kadamb tree.
Her gaze followed him where ever he went. She was sure he knew he was being watched and that gave her immense pleasure.
The house was full of relatives and stealing that perfect moment was becoming difficult. She knew that if she was given a wish she also had the power to make it true.
Her heart skipped a beat every time he brushed past her. A subtle, delicate, delicious feeling filled her from to hair. Sensuous, sultry heady rush. The sheer exhilaration of being alive. She spent the day in a state of euphoria. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach and she glowed and smiled feeling beautiful within, warmed by the love that radiated from his heart to hers.
The orange disk of the sun was slowly melting behind the lush green hills and a lurid shade of darkness was beginning to blot the serene twilight. Summer evenings are so romantic, she smiled to herself.
The birds were returning home and a somber uniformed hue of darkness was descending over the trees. The moon winded around the cliffs and traveled along its broken pathway, it’s light intercepted by the branches of the deep shady trees.
I closed my eyes and said to myself the lines from Richard Bach’s book, ” I am a sorceress and when I open my eyes I will see the world I have created and for which only I and only I am solely responsible.”
The dogs were barking in eager excitement. I peered into the darkness, my eyes scanning the entire length of trees and the compound. Then I heard him whistle. My heart was close to busting . A pleasing warmth started to travel from behind my ears to the entire length of my body. I held the mirror stand as my knees went weak. what was happening to me? we had been together since childhood and never such emotions had taken over me.
I calmed myself and strolled out of the room avoiding the chit-chat and glances of my mother and other relatives.
once out I raced out to the porch and looked around. Breathless with an unknown excitement.
I could see his silhouette along with the dogs moving towards the group of trees at the far end. He turned and waved at me. My heart skipped a beat. without loosing a moment I ran to meet him. I felt stupid and excited at the same time. I had no control over my actions and like a woman under influence of some spirit I simply followed my heart.
We walked together in silence. The dogs happily jumping all around. They were ferocious big beasts tamed to perfection by him. The night was beautiful but the entire beauty of that magic was lost on me. I moved along with him aware of his warm breath and the closeness between us.
It was feeling which has remained with me till today. Unexplained, erotic yet romantic in all its innocence. Our fingers touched and moved away and that fraction of a second sent ripples all over me.
we had reached the far end of the path and past the bamboo groove. He turned to pull the leash of one of the grey hounds and froze for a second. What happened after that took me complete by surprise. A short subdued instruction silenced the dogs and slowly they all melted away into the thicket. Before I could open my mouth, he pulled me under the Kadamb tree away from the moonlight. His finger on my lips I looked into his deep large eyes surprised by all this action. His soft gaze held me captive and I allowed myself to melt away. Was my dream taking shape here ? The thought sent an electric impulse down my spine.
He motioned me to remain absolutely silent and still. We were just a few inched apart and my heartbeat was rapid, my cheeks flushed. Was he going to hold me and kiss me? The imagination took wings and my mind became a colorful kaleidoscope of what was could take place under the bejeweled summer sky. Fireflies danced in his eyes and mine.
We were aware of our unsaid feelings. The eyes said what the lips couldn’t. My throat was parched and I could not stand still. He stepped a little closer. I don’t know for how long we just stood there. Our hearts beating inches apart. Our bodies flushed. Our breath and dreams merging together. The sexual chemistry was electrifying yet we did not touch. Held in time by that perfect moment we stood Silent and still.
Why doesn’t he take me in his arms and do what he is supposed to do?, I was getting impatient.
As if reading my mind he smiled and his eyes shone mischievously. I blushed and tried to back away a little. His fingers slipped into mine and clasped them tightly. I buckled but caught myself in time.
” let’s go for a stroll “, he whispered.
The magical moment ended abruptly and I suddenly woke up to reality. The dogs heard his slow whistle and came bouncing from nowhere.
we came out of our lair and stepped on the gravel path leading to the hills. He was a mind reader. “Dad must have seen you racing like a woman possessed and followed you to some distance” he laughed.
I simply giggled at the thought like a silly teenager but from inside got horrified at the prospect of being found out.
Some moments in life are such sinful delights.
We walked the entire length of the moonlit path and back covered in star-dust. At the gate he told me to quietly enter the building while he went to put some of the dogs in their cages. I did not want this night to end but he planted a soft kiss on my eyelids and whispered ,” good night love, now rush or someone will come”. I smiled and faded away in the darkness of the corridor.
In my room, I folded my thoughts and placed them under my pillow. With a glowing heart I placed myself in the lap of comfort and let sleep take over from there.
Today as I write about it I watch the night sky and see a star shinning brilliantly outside my window.. the star that was once my love. I smile and blow a kiss and watch it twinkle mischievously.
We needed no words, no actions to express our love for each other. The eyes said it all.