Poetry Challenge : a learning excercise-1


My mentor and friend Kris Saknussemm gave me a challenge to write an extended poem, “relying on some of your more practically directed prose abilities that incorporates all of the following words and/or phrases:

Compulsion
Sacred
Mud
Disgust
Glass
Vacuum
Music
Orchid
Misunderstanding
Orgasm
Echo
The sorrow of dinosaurs”

a part of my learning process and an effort to improve myself and my writing.

Kris has been kind enough to take some time out from his busy schedule and teach me. It is an honor for me and I am deeply touched and thankful to him for all the advice, suggestions and critiques. each of his teaching is a precious gem to treasure.

As they say

When the student is ready the master appears

Thank you Kris for being my light, guiding and enriching my life. I won’t fail you for learning for me is a lifetime process.

Here is the poem I wrote

A life
gripped in a moment
Ecstasy, rapture
Release
Bodies consumed
A little death & then
rebirth

Pants, groans, gasp
Music to the ears
Throb, rise, fall
Curtains

yet another Faked orgasm

Crushed orchids,
Stained sheets
She rolls over
Disgust jets through
The Vacuum inside

What a performer!
Down to dawn
Non entity

Sex, a compulsion
Repulsive yet Sacred
A tool to feed
Four hungry mouths

An echo

5 thoughts on “Poetry Challenge : a learning excercise-1

  1. This is so full of energy. Such a change of pace. I love it. Image-rich and rhythmically alive…bouncy…like on a bed. And everything comes together in a knot of anguish, expresses with ironic aplomb.

    “What a performer!” What a line! Very good effort, an effort that succeeded, in my opinion.

    Like

  2. excellent effort.go ahead and write another with the same words but radically different content. as Tim says this is full of energy

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  3. Where are the sorry dinosaurs!

    It’s a great lesson to learn how to tuck phrases into your own voice, and you did well with that.

    I would maybe have pulled a couple of words from the deck — sacred, compulsion — because they make us likely to lead you into judgment and away from image. And echo, because it is “poetic,” which tempt us to be …poetic …. which undermines freshness of expression.

    Having said all that. you put it together well!

    Next assignment: a poem called “Where are the sorry dinosaurs!” And make it a costume drama from the 18th C. … j/k

    Like

  4. Where are the sorry dinosaurs!

    It’s a great lesson to learn how to tuck phrases into your own voice, and you did well with that.

    I would maybe have pulled a couple of words from the deck — sacred, compulsion — because they make us likely to lead you into judgment and away from image. And echo, because it is “poetic,” which tempt us to be …poetic …. which undermines freshness of expression.

    Having said all that. you put it together well!

    Next assignment: a poem called “Where are the sorry dinosaurs!” And make it a costume drama from the 18th C. … j/k
    P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!

    Like

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