Today my first born will turned 18. Its five in the morn’ and I watch him sleep peacefully feeling warm all over and remembering the special moments we shared since he came into my life. How we overcame each handicap like a hurdle in a steeple chase, riding smoothly with courage and confidence and throwing our hearts over it so that we could cross it too.
There were times when every debate would start and end with two sentences. I would say,” Not till you are 18.’ and he would say ,” Wait till I turn 18″. It scared me at times but most of the times I would smile and wonder,
“Will the excitement of turning an adult be as much as it is now?”
There was always something special between us. Though I never pampered him like all Indian mothers do, there was an unexplainable unsaid bond with which our heart strings were attached. Somehow I had the feeling that he understood more than the other children of his age. He had a very rough childhood and for me as a mother It was an extremely difficult time. Many a times I would look into his deep questioning eyes and have no answers to anything. He would watch the drama unfold in the house scene by scene everyday and cling to me unable to express how he felt. Helpless and sad. It was heart wrenching and I tried to instill love, compassion, forgiveness and taught him not to judge and be independent of any thing that hinders his growth as a human being.
Just as I was given a choice to discern and take decisions on our own, I wanted my child to do the same. There were never any social or religious bondings. The child was free to blossom and I tried to do my best, under the given circumstances, to see it happen.
There are times when I felt guilty of bringing him into a world where I myself was finding roots. At times I would takeout all the frustration on him , knowing it was wrong… but still.. He would never utter a single world of rebellion or throw tantrums making me feel even more guilty.
A lovable, calm child, he would spend hours playing by himself, reading books, coloring or just observing nature in the park from the little terrace. He is a wonderful dancer and loves music just like the rest of us.
I had my share of “Oh please not again” times, when he would quietly empty a shampoo bottle in tub or hide in a corner behind the curtain with ladoos or any mithai. He loved to sing and we would have sessions of music and book reading. It used to be a joy to watch this little thin lad run after butterflies or chuckle at the sound of some bird or on spotting a ladybird.
I would smile and watch him observe the line of ants and marvel at the amount of curiosity he had. Always open to learn anything new. During his middle school, the teachers used to call him ” walking Encyclopedia”.
Sometimes I would find him hiding and watching me put a freshly painted picture on the refrigerator door. I can never forget the look of pride and love he used to have at such times. Cleaning his room was like shoveling the path before it stopped snowing.. At night the last thing I did for years was , pick up dinkies, toys, books, pencils, colors, clothes, half eaten fruits, empty cans and some mysterious looking objects which I never could make out what they actually were.
The time he fell sick was the most difficult period for all of us. Glumer Nephritis and Nephrotic Syndrome were new words for us and It was unbearable to see a child of three suffer so much. The disorder took a toll on his health. Although he recovered fully, It was remarkable the way he handled his illness. Silently he would observe everything and everyone including me and tell me to rest for sometime, eat something etc, assuring that he was feeling better and there was no need to worry. With moist eyes I watched my son’s courage and consideration.
Sending the cynosure of my eyes to the residential school simple broke me and him, although he was keen and it would have helped his frail health aslo. Ranikhet is a beautiful place and I thought the mountain air would help him build up his stamina. Four years of residential schooling changed him completely. He matured into a handsome athletic independent boy. All the pain and tears of seperation were washed away.
Although both of us pretended to be happy at the end of it , each one knew there was a hidden guilt and sorrow behind his going. Sending him away from a younger sibling and the rest of the family wasn’t a right step, but there was no other option. It was a sacrifice he had to make because of our mistakes. I still feel guilty about it.
Now when I watch him paint and draw and pursue his passion for animation and visual graphics I thank the creator for giving him a creative mind. Be it food, music, dance, art or anything he is always experimenting. Both my boys are complete foodies and love to experiment.
Adi and I shared some wonderful moments cooking, baking, reading, dancing, traveling to new destinations, enjoying local cuisines, doing window shopping and our love for all creatures big and small especially snakes and raptors and all the creepy crawlies made life one big adventure.
The best workout sessions were helping him take baby steps, running all over the house after him, walking along his bicycle, and then going for long walks. we explored the hills wherever we went discovering new flora nad fauna. Those are the moments of unexplainable joy and comradeship.
Each moment that we shared till now was an unrepeatable miracle, thats what it was , unrepeatable and miracle.
Though I had my share of troubles with him , I think I enjoyed it. The foundation of our love and friendship is laid on solid grounds and we grow seperately without growing apart. He is the best friend I have and we share all the secrets , almost all
I support all his dreams even if that means he moves away..I hope he takes the right direction and takes right decisions, makes right choices.
I had the highest salaried job ..Motherhood… coz the payment was Pure love..
I live though him and when I see him excel in things I could not pursue it gives me immense joy.
Now from today his life takes a new dimension. As a young adult there will be added responsibilities towards self and others and I am sure he will take life with serenity and poise.
Seeing the fan following he has and the girls of all shapes and sizes that hover around him like delicate butterflies, I call him ” love magnet’ and he calls himself ” LOVE GURU”. There are long sessions of confessions, suggestions, advice, over the phone and chats. I am glad in a way that he is able to change lives and make people feel good in some way. Few people have that gift.
Each of his growing year has been a new learning process for me and I attained a new avtar each time. Some of the best teaching and words of comfort came from my first born. In times when things seemed bleak and the darkest clouds wrapped my life , he , as a bright shinning sun brought so much strength and showed me the light. I am thinkful to each of my boys for enriching my life in one way or the other.
love you guys.
Happy18th Birthday sweetheart .. may you always be blessed with good health, peace and joy ..