When Janaki Nagaraj, fellow author, blogger and head of the poetry section of The Book Club, told me they wanted to host a blog tour of my début poetry book ‘Collection of Chaos’ I was delighted. The tour which began on 6th of October continued for a week and included author interviews, spotlights, guest posts and book reviews.
A heartfelt thank you to all the writers / bloggers of The Book Club Reviewing Group who were part of The Blog Tour.
Namrata, Pooja, Sfurti, Janaki, Sharmila, Rubina, Parichita, Sridevi, Ruchira, Sulekha, Inderpreet, Karan, Rohan and Dola Thank You for hosting me on your blogs.
The Book Club Blog Tour Links:
First of all Eid Mubarak to all my readers and thank you for the tremendous love and support you always give me.
Can’t believe I have blogged for almost eight years now. A pretty anniversary message greeted me as I logged in today. Simple little things that make life what it is.
(Pic copyright The Book Club)
This year’s highlight has been my book and you can read all about it Here . Another good thing was the reading of Italian translations of my poems by Rachel Slade at the Cena Poetica di Samuele Editore and another poem translated and displayed as part of the VerdArti festival in Italy. New poems have been submitted to some cool online and print magazines and I am waiting. Meanwhile there is a lot of reading and writing to be done. Both poetry and Fiction. I have not been too well and getting back my health is a priority right now. Reasons for less of blogging these days. Better days will come :)
This year also saw a change in my elder son’s life. He began working as a reporter with Hindustan Times (HT City) Aditya Dogra . A complete change from the Animation work he was doing. I am glad that he is following his passion and enjoying the new venture. Same with the younger one too who starts his winter training at the ITC Maurya, Delhi very soon. Nothing makes a mother proud than to see her children living their lives as independent adults. The boys are my strength and best friends. I wish them all the very best in life. We may not be living together but we are never too far away from each other.
It’s been four years now since I left my husband’s home in search of myself as a woman and as an individual. It has been an uphill ride but worth every obstacle, every heartbreak. These were just the tests, the build ups, so that I can go through to the next level of independence and self – control. I have realized that most of the times we are our own support system and the key is to never lose Focus. I still have a long way to go to accomplish what I wish, to have my place, to travel to the places I always longed to visit, to learn and write more, to completely shed all that is not me. I believe the universe provides for us what we ask for. That our thoughts create our future. I am working on shedding the negative and visualizing all the good and abundance now in the present. I feel more centered. I have ‘reoriented’ myself and this has led to a more calmer me than before though I still panic at certain things. I also stopped mulling the old wine. I am not writing stuff full of angst and sorrow. At least I am making a conscious effort not to do it. I think it was acting as a block in my inner progress. Silencing the voices in my head was much-needed to feel the sense of well-being that is required to think right. I have begun to appreciate ‘little things’ that feed and nourish my soul and it has made a lot of difference in my life at many levels. I have achieved a lot in last few years and I feel proud of it. There will come a time for me to talk about it more openly but for now one must just follow the heart and move on in the chosen direction. Keeping all the options open. Because I could not change the situation I was challenged to change myself. It was a life saving technique and it worked.
The universe has it all and I shall get my share. Thank you friends for standing by me in all the good times and bad.
I leave you with the serenity prayer that helped me chart my path,
“Dear universe, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
आज बड़े दिनों बाद ज़िन्दगी तुम मिली हो मुझसे
आओ करें कुछ गुफ्तगू
दोपहर की नरम धुप में बैठकर
बुने कुछ गलीचे रंगों से सराबोर
आओ परोसें कुछ लम्हे इस ख्वाबों की तश्तरी में
आओ आईने से झांकते अपने ही अक्स में
ढूंढें खुदको या फिर युहीं ख्वाहिशों की
सिलवटों में एक दूसरे को करें महसूस
या फिर याद करें उन भीगी रातों में
जुगनुओं का झिलमिलाना
आओ खोलें खिड़कियां मंन की
हों रूबरू खुदसे
पिरोएँ ख्वाहिशें गजरों में
भरें पींग, छूएं अम्बर को
आओ पूरे करें कुछ अधूरे गीत
छेड़ें कुछ नए तराने
आओ बिताएं कुछ पल साथ
देखें सूरज को पिघलते हुए
इस सुरमयी शाम के साये तले
आओ चुने स्याही में लिपटे सितारे
बनायें इस रात को एक नज़्म
आओ परोसें कुछ लम्हे इस ख्वाबों की तश्तरी में
‘Birth of a Poem’ as part of VerdArti festival at Villa Dolfin, Porcia, Italy.
Alessandro Canzian reading the Italian Translation of my poem ‘Birth of a Poem’ at Villa Corrier Dolfin, Porcia ,Italy as part of the VerArti Festival.
A few more photographs from the lovely festival where artists and poets gathered to celebrate their work and of others. Copyright VerdArti.
Also Visit these links for more information and event photographs/videos, media news etc.-
This solitude is too loud. The writer’s block is too full of words swirling inside me. Unfinished poems, half told stories that rise and fall inside me like cresting waves travelling thousands of miles with tremendous amount of power and momentum to reach the shore. Each one with a different tone and timbre. Slowly forming themselves from micro ripples to ripples, to wavelets to waves that are steep and choppy, all rising from an almost invisible swell at a distance, spilling, surging or plunging as they break over the beach. Waves that are the pulse of the ocean that’s inside me. I tune myself to their magical ability to nurture or destroy, to their colors, forms, moods and character, their faces, forms and manners, their tints and tones, their murmurs, their rage and sorrow, scorn and anxiousness as they frown and foam and riot inside me. I listen to their lament, their agony as they snap and lose their elasticity. I feel the spray of their innocent childhood, their luminous youth. I inhale their faint sillage, the salty sweet smell of their leaving. A beautiful memory of small moments destined to be lost.
I revel in their phosphorescent, fragrant, passion as they whorl and dance, rise and fall with a tender ecstasy only they possess. I feel their taste, sweet, sultry, fiery as I catch the dripping juices on my parched tongue. I conjure them and watch them rustle around me like a memory of a language long forsaken. I feel the rush of love, the surge of grief, the respite of peace..
I am persistent in all the highs and lows of life and even though the page remains empty I write. I pocket every sound and smell, every motion, every pause that has been dormant till this moment. I let it enliven my senses. I give myself to the seductive, never ceasing invitation of these waves and let the spell enfold me and make my soul wander into the close sensuous embrace of the sea. There is no story board inside me. Thoughts flow free. Sometimes, like a glint on a piece of glass, something illuminates, Le Mot Juste, and flows to the tips of my fingers, there is a quiver of understanding from the word to the brain to the heart and in that moment of transcendence words shed their printed bodies on the paper making it pulsate with life.
They may mean nothing to you or maybe everything but to me they bring on the much needed catharsis. They help me expand my horizons inwardly.
You never lose by loving, you lose by holding back. So I write. I flow. My creative intelligence creates; recreates and transforms all that is not perfect though the twenty six letters. Words are stronger as they come together to Purge, purify, and expunge the unwanted just as the waves do.
Usually all rivers flow to the sea but this river flows from the sea, turning the salt to sweetness as it journeys to the source.
Against all odds.
I turn you into stories, verses and let the images emerge in accordance to my dreams making me whole and perfect and in the process the negative flows out leaving nothing but the sweetness of love. The key to healing is allowing so I get out of the way and trust the recovery. Letting the vibrations flow from the words that sooth me into being whole. What we write we become, is what I am learning so I write of hope, faith, trust and love. Releasing the block, releasing the doubt. Allowing the impulse to write rather than force it, molding the clay (words in this case) for the purpose of talking myself into vibrational alignment of what I want rather than dwell on what’s not or imagine what won’t be or wasn’t there.
Today is the day of gratitude. I am grateful to you for stepping into my world. For allowing me into yours. For the words you fed me morsel by morsel and helped me nourish my mind, body and soul. Expectation is the combination of desire with belief and I am thankful to you for showing me that. It has helped me write a new story. I am using this block and solitude to bury the historian in me and become a story teller so that the future doesn’t become like the past. The past is over and done with. No more beating this drum. I start afresh. I have lived enough to know what I want and to know what I don’t want. You didn’t know who you were and that taught me who I am. Thank you for that and for giving me greater strength, independence and clarity. There will be and are a million things that will take me back to what it was but thanks to you I will remind myself to see all the benefits that came out of those hurts and aches silences among other things. I promise that my happiness in an inside job so I won’t hold you responsible for how I feel or ask you to change in any way to make me happy. So, thank you for helping me discover a stronger than ever desire. Thank you for loving me, for all the said and unsaid words and for all the pauses.